University: The Best and Worst Time of Your Life

Xaviera (Vee) describes their university experiences as a student from many marginalised backgrounds and gives advice to any students who need it.

- Xavieria

When I first came to university, my focus was on studying only. I care a lot about my academics and plan to stay in education as a researcher at some point. I spent my first year alone and isolated. I lived in a self contained studio, away from a lot of people, because of my Autism. I didn’t do too well mentally and physically, although I achieved an okay grade at the end of the year (considering my mental health issues), at least I tried my best. 

This blog is not a reflection of my first year however, it is a discussion of how my second year changed drastically. 

Since moving to my university, I felt very isolated due to my race. I was a black student on a course with nearly 400 students. However, every time I went to lectures, I would see maybe 10 black students amidst the crowds. I felt unwelcome from the very beginning. 

Flash forward to second year. This year, I wanted to ensure that I did better than my first year in grades, and I made sure to attend every lecture possible. This lasted for about 3 weeks. The course content (13 hours per week) was too overwhelming. Because of my ADHD, Irlen’s and Dyslexia, I didn’t understand a word that was said in lectures. In addition, I was taking on so many extracurriculars that I ended up becoming physically weaker. My brain thinks too fast, and my IQ is too high for my own good. I kept up with things mentally, but physically my body started shutting down. I can no longer walk long distances without mobility aids, and due to the environmental stresses faced at my university, I had to withdraw from my studies. 

I hope to return to a different university next September, but my advice to you is this: take it easy.  Sometimes you need to practice self discipline in order to succeed in life, and spending all your time trying to be a “typical” student may not be the way to do that. I learn better when I self-study, but I told myself that I had to attend all lectures if I wanted to gain the most out of my degree. I burned myself out to the point where my mental disorders simply worsened. Once I was at a point where I was physically and mentally unfit to do anything, my university turned their back on me, and I nearly gave up. I have so many needs and difficulties, but learning about how to cope with everything and how to manage these things is crucial. 

I may be going through a rough patch now, but if you put the work in, sometimes things will get better. Not always, but logically speaking, you cannot determine that things will never get better, so giving up straight away is not the answer. 

Get the help you need, and try to remember: you deserve a break sometimes. University is not a time constrained education, you can take years to do a bachelor’s, or a masters, but do it in your own time, not anyone else’s.

I hope to make some positive changes, especially with equality, diversity and inclusion across the UK. My experiences have told me that universities may try to incorporate EDI, but not because they listen to student voices, but because they feel they have to. I’m gay, transgender, black, disabled, and assigned female at birth. There are students facing anti-Semitism, students being stigmatised for their mental health issues, and many other students facing all sorts of low-level discrimination. 

I want to change that. Writing this blog is the first step. Gathering statistical data and conducting my own research is next. One day, I hope to make universities across England better at being more diverse, not just to a couple of marginalised groups, but to everyone. Because that is what equality, diversity and inclusion is truly about.

Whether you are looking for support for your own mental health at university or supporting a friend, help is available.  

Hi, my name is Xaviera but most people call me Vee! I'm 19, and wanted to enjoy university so badly, but found it difficult due to my disabilities and the internal racism I felt during my studies. I'm sharing my story so others who feel the same can hopefully feel less alone. I like to make productive changes, and the education system is a good place to start, especially from students themselves.

Letter to Boyfriend

AL's poem shows the struggle with intimacy, communication and relationships when dealing with mental health problems, as well as the journey towards healing.

- AL

Inspired by Emily Berry’s ‘Letter to Husband’

 

Dear boyfriend            Dearest, much-loved boyfriend          Adored,

treasured, role-perfect boyfriend        Over-the-screen,

once-a-month boyfriend         Unbelievable dream I try too hard

to grasp           Dear boyfriend always missed           boyfriend’s sweater always

worn                away for one month, next it will be two         Dear boyfriend

please reply                 On some hidden nights           There are nights solitude drowns and

drowning in moonlight like a                         desperate, greedy thing

I want              and want more            This body will never be

Dear Tinder                 Dear random white men at the bar     Dear

God, please believe                 I love               you, I               do

 

Dear                Dear beloved               loving is a hard thing

Like happiness            I didn’t                        I don’t know, no one ever told me

what to do       I am losing      I can’t lose you

 

Dear, dear boyfriend               Dear lover, dear my always                Dear gentleness

too unselfish for your own good                     Dear hazes of crying and blind phone calls

Thank you for letting me        Never again                 I’m not the one

who should be crying             Dear open wound        pink like the pasta you make

Dear boyfriend, I am in therapy                     Dear boyfriend, I am getting better

at making your favourite cheese cake                        only slightly burnt, tender as me

Dear warm pumpkin-spiced-latte recently-cut hair                Dear bruised knuckles

and sweaty hands        Dear gap-toothed smile          Dear raised brow and that

wink                Dear great grounding weight              Dear murmuring sleep and rest

of my life boyfriend                Dear delayed trains and distance I am

overcoming to find you again             Dear boyfriend, I love you     I do

Whether you are looking for support for your own mental health at university or supporting a friend, help is available.

Fine

TW: Eating disorder, bulimia and binge eating 

Linda shares the first poem she ever wrote exploring her issues with food.

- Linda

I have struggled with food for as long as I can remember. As a child, I struggled with binge eating and when I started University, I developed bulimia non-purging. The hardest part of having an eating disorder is telling people. After I developed bulimia, I felt like I needed to. I did not want to be invited out to eat. I did not want to talk about food, dieting, weight and exercise. For many people, these are topics that you do not bat an eyelid about – therefore, asking people “please can we not talk about x” felt unreasonable. 

I struggled with explaining my eating disorder to other people. Many people found it hard to imagine me restricting or excessively exercising as I was always at a “healthy” or overweight BMI. People did not to grasp that my eating disorder is less about food and how I looked, but more about control and trauma. It is completely understandable – it is hard to picture something that you have not experienced. Still, I sometimes felt a bit misunderstood, weird and isolated.

One of the ways that I can explore my issues around food is through poetry. I seem to perfectly sum up how I feel where spoken words fail me. This is the first poem that I wrote about my issues around food. I wrote it at around the age of sixteen reflecting back on my childhood experience with binge eating.

 

I am obviously FINE!

Not a care in the world.

After all, I am smiling,

laughing hysterically, joking

and quite literally bouncing around,

putting on a good show for the crowd.

 

Act over, curtains closed

and in the darkness,

I wipe off my smile because secretly,

I am dying. In silence. Within.

My mind wages war persistently –

it demands ‘MORE, MORE, MORE!”

and like a servant, I oblige.

I reason – or rather more, I don’t –

that I can fill the deep dark hole

residing in me with food

 

But it’s no good; I never feel whole

because I’m perpetually starving! Craving

a self-acceptance, respect and unconditional love

that can never come from food

and that I can never muster enough of

You can visit Student Space to explore online resources, access direct support via text, phone, web chat or email and find the support available at your place of study. 

I am Linda. I am currently studying a MSc at the University of Warwick. I am also a sub-editor for Student Minds. 

Binge Eat, Sleep For The Entire Day & Repeat

Nadia shares her story of how her depression has worsened due to university stress and wants to share her story to show anyone suffering that they are not the only one.

- Nadia
 

*Trigger Warning: Discussions of suicide, binge-eating and self-blame.*

 

Facing the day

I wake up, once again, with a horrible headache, despite having slept for an entire day. This feels odd, as I have been battling insomnia for the past two months. Starting the day is often difficult for me as I struggle with negative thoughts about my body and with feeling ugly and worthless. This can cause me to avoid completing University work, and can lead me into a downward spiral of binge-eating. It is difficult to get out of this routine, but I have been to my doctor and have started taking medication, which takes a while to kick in. I am hoping this will prevent the suicidal tendencies I experience in my lowest moments. I’m also hoping it will improve my overall mood; I sometimes feel like I am wasting my life not doing anything – failing University, jobless, and feeling like a constant disappointment. Although I have great friends, I don’t want to burden them with how I’m feeling, but I am so bored and tired of being like this all the time. Writing this blog piece has been a turning point, a reminder that however I’m feeling now, things can get better.

You have gotten through bad times before

I know that I have felt like this before, but have been able to improve and get well. So, I want this blog piece to be a reminder to myself, and to all of you readers, that even when things seem terrible there is always a way forward. For some reason, writing this blog piece makes me feel that I can breathe a bit better. I’d forgotten how much I loved writing, how natural and right it feels for me to express myself in words. Having not felt ‘good’ at anything in a long time, I am really enjoying creating this piece – I’m not sure how I found my way here, but I’m glad I did.

What I’m trying to say is this: writing this blog has enabled me to show how I feel, how I really feel. It’s odd seeing these thoughts on screen, rather than scrambled up in my head, but I hope that whoever reads this knows that they are not the only one going through a difficult time. The fact that writing this has made me feel so much better, shows that just the simple act of writing down your thoughts and emotions can feel liberating. It may also help you to remember the things that made you happy once. For me, this is writing in general, but for you it may be different. Try to engage in those activities you love again, without any pressure on yourself, and see how it goes. You might just surprise yourself. 

 

Find out more about eating disorders and how to support someone. You can also find lots of helpful support and advice on the Student Space website.

My name is Nadia and I am a second-year law student. I am sharing my story because I want to help others, and because I want this to be a safe space for students to share how they feel, without judgement. 

I believe that if we support one another, we can become the best version of ourselves. Remember, you matter.

Destructive Patterns and the Desire to Heal – Lost Again

Ari Anna shares her personal story with mental health and eating disorders, capturing in music the constant tug of war between the desire to heal and the tendency to fall back into destructive patterns.

- Ari Anna

"Lost Again" is an intimate ballad, born of real life and struggle. Ultimately, the song becomes a stirring call, a guiding light for those who suffer: ‘if I made it through this, so can you’. 

 

Easy to say, this road never ends 

And I’m running without seeing the way  

Lost in the dark, broken heart  

And I am watching myself doing it all again.  

I’ve lost again.  

Every time I play the game  

Here I am and I’m taking all the blame. 

I’ve lost again.  

In time I’ll learn to win  

But until then I guess I’ll let the sadness in  

Hungry, hungry, hungry for love  

Trying to build me up pound by pound  

Nothing more to be afraid of I’m getting off the merry-go-round. 

For more information or to support your mental health, see Student Space or the Student Minds webpage.

I am Ari Anna, a third year songwriting student. Whilst growing up, I have struggled with eating disorders. Music is what helped me overcome my struggles and to learn to love myself. These lyrics were written 2 years ago, but only recently I released the song, finally. I want to share my experiences with others and give them hope. 

My experiences of university and an eating disorder

Sarah shares her experiences about completing her MA while battling an eating disorder. 

- Sarah

Studying for an MA is hard enough but trying to study in a pandemic, while trying to battle a number of mental health difficulties is even harder. The battle between university work and demons is exhausting. Waking up every day, not knowing how it’s going to pan out is frightening. I have always struggled with my anxiety and depression after trying to come to terms with my adoption and the abuse I faced during my childhood. Being on medication helped settle my worries and insecurities and allowed me to flourish through my academic work. 

However, what I didn’t know is that my relationship with food started to become a problem. I didn’t realise it at first, but I had started to skip meals, make excuses, and go down a route of bad habits. Without the friends I surrounded myself with I would never have sought help. I was finally diagnosed with Bulimia Nervosa, and my road to recovery started! I went through many stages of denial, anger and upset, but in the end things levelled out and I became two years clear of habits. 

Despite all my improvements, at the start of my MA course, old habits started to creep in as my physical health took a turn. I became more depressed and I started to believe that my medication was making me put on so much weight. I went into a spiral of depression and I couldn’t shift the thoughts. My whole world turned black, and I felt so alone, even though I knew I wasn’t. Days became longer, and nights became sleepless. Every thought I had was about what excuse could I make next. 

Moving back to university put me back into complete control over what I did and didn’t eat. Restriction became easier, I didn’t have my mum around to voice her concerns or cook any meals for me. I found it easier to keep my eating habits a secret. No matter how hard I tried to persuade myself that food wasn’t the enemy, I couldn’t shift the unhappiness I was feeling. My real smile replaced with a fake, I just lost myself completely.

When my MA workload kicked in, my shifts at work increased, and my PTSD became worse, everything started to spiral! I would tell myself on a daily basis that tomorrow would always be better. But the stress and worries of every day became too much. I wouldn’t eat, but I couldn’t shift the guilt I would feel. I would constantly feel that I was letting my eating disorder win. I would try so hard… I became so good at hiding how I truly felt, I had years of practice. My roller-coaster of emotions meant I was miserable and insecure the majority of the time. I gave myself high standards, which resulted in constant self-criticism. 

It took me a while until I realised that my thought process and my relationship with food was in fact my eating disorder returning. This time it was bigger and more dangerous than before. I ended falling into avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID) alongside Bulimia Nervosa. It resulted in me consuming very little a day, and there were even some days when I wouldn’t eat anything. The power of food and thought took over. 

Having this battle, while trying to get through an eating disorder, while writing a university essay is not only daunting but it is exhausting. Every part of you is consumed by body image, food consumption and weight. It is merely impossible to write a sentence without pausing.  I eventually started to seek help again through the counselling team at the university and reached out to my Personal Academic Tutor to make sure that I had the support regarding my academic studies. It was the best thing I did. I knew I had someone who would listen and not judge. I knew I didn’t want to fail – especially after fighting so hard to gain my undergraduate degree. My counsellor recommended I reached out to my doctors, however despite all this, I was and still am in quite a bit of denial about actually having an eating disorder relapse. I am just too embarrassed. But the first step is always the hardest. 

I am in my final stretch of completing my MA degree, and I know nothing will stop me from completing it. I just don’t know what it will cost me. I want to make people proud, especially my Personal Academic Tutor as the support they have given me has been more than enough. Not only have they supported me through my academic studies, but they have supported me through every personal bump in the road that I have had to face. No words would ever come close to the thanks I have for them. I am planning on going ahead with my PGCE and I would love to do a PhD in the future, but for that to be accessible I need to make sure I have my mental health difficulties under control. 

I want to get better. I want to be happy. My advice to you all is never feel like asking for help is a sign of weakness! You are not alone! It is never too late! 

For more information or support with your mental health, see the Student Minds website or Student Space. 

I am Sarah, and I have studied a joint BA (hons) in English Literature and Educational Studies at the University of Worcester. On completion I have gone onto study a MA in English at the same university. I want to share my experience hoping it will help someone to seek help before things get too far.

My relationship with exercise during lockdown

Lizzie shares her experience about her relationship with exercise and how this has changed during lockdown. 

- Lizzie Speller

Before lockdown my levels of physical activity had slowly decreased over the years and were pretty much non-existent. For someone who thrives from having an ongoing structure and routine, my attitude to exercise was sporadic and impulsive. I would scroll through exercise videos online, half-heartedly sign up for fitness programmes and buy a multitude of equipment that now sadly gathers dust in the flat. This gradual decline in commitment and motivation towards exercise is the polar opposite to that of my childhood. When I was younger, my parents encouraged my brother and I to engage in sports regularly and my memories of growing up seemed to be punctuated with different classes in karate, badminton and athletics amongst others. I am aware, looking back, this is a significant privilege and one that I very much appreciated. I threw myself into it and quickly used my perfectionist disposition to my advantage; I remember getting such a thrill from winning a race during sports day or being picked for a local team. Over time, due to this enthusiasm and determination, sport became an integral part of my life and an outlet for any built-up emotions I had from academic work, social friendships, or adjustments in teenage life. 

However, my relationship with exercise became compulsive and started to damage my mental and physical health. My parents were initially supportive due to my enthusiasm and desire to perform, but quickly noticed the effect this constant activity was having on me; my weight had dramatically decreased, and I became irritable and tired all the time. I remember on the day I was diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa, I completed hundreds of sit ups and paced around my room with such focused intensity. After my diagnosis and subsequent cycles of therapy, I realised my relationship with exercise had transcended beyond anything I initially imagined, it felt like an integral part of my identity and a companion throughout my adolescence. Over the six years of my eating disorder recovery, my relationship with exercise flitted between something I loved with such a passion and yet simultaneously felt so terrified of. Would I ever be able to have a “normal” relationship with exercise again? In addition, as I grew older I had become more aware of the societal pressure to be this “perfect” shape and size, whenever my friends or family talked about sport or the latest fitness trends, I nodded along but felt so conflicted and disengaged. Is this really something I should be striving for again?

At the beginning of lockdown, whilst completing university work from home, my partner suggested I tried a ‘PE with Joe Wicks’ workout. I was initially reluctant but ended up loving the act of exercising in a healthy way, amongst company, whilst feeling virtually connected to others across the world. Throughout the next couple of weeks, I started to talk to my partner about my relationship with exercise and began to use physical activity in a more beneficial way. If I felt anxious, I went on a leisurely walk around my neighbourhood rather than ruminating at home. If I felt happy or excited, I would have a little dance around my flat and pretend I was Beyoncé. Regaining power and control over exercise has filled me with confidence and a new-found appreciation for my body. I now look forward to exercising without the desire to push myself or compromise my health anymore. In a time of global uncertainty, my evolving relationship with physical activity has given me more certainty on the importance of looking after myself than anything else. I could not be more grateful!

For more information Student Space is here to make it easier for you to find the support you need during the coronavirus pandemic.

See some helpful advice to support your wellbeing during the coronavirus.

Hi, I'm Lizzie and I have just finished my second year at the University of Chichester studying Psychology. I am incredibly passionate about mental health and currently am an ambassador for Beat and a Mental Health Mates Walk Leader in Chichester.

Body Issues and Eating Troubles during Lockdown: a.k.a. why is okay to put on weight!

Anna reflects on how lockdown has affected those with eating disorders and why it’s okay to be not okay.

- Anna

The effects of coronavirus have made people around the world re-evaluate how to protect our physical health with regards to staying clean and hygienic, and protecting each other from the virus transmission. The pandemic has also shone a light on another less obvious area of our lives; inactivity and food consumption. ‘The Quarantine 15’ memes are frequenting social media, encouraging viewers to jump-start their PE lessons, take on running challenges for charity or spend excessive amounts of money on gym equipment of which they’ve never used before.

Exercise is good. Don’t get me wrong. It is beneficial especially when cabin fever is ripe and social distancing are affecting our mental health. For those who are already vulnerable to body insecurity and anxiety, however, this new nationwide obsession can be quite detrimental; this impact is particularly significant for those in recovery from eating disorders. Eating disorders are based on a fear of being out of control. It drives the motives for disordered eating and body-control strategies such as starvation, exercise obsessions and binge/purge cycles, causing cause great amounts of guilt, frustration and low mood, which can subsequently encourage the ‘coping’ behaviours to continue in a cycle.

The effects of COVID-19 has thrust every corner of society into change and we’ve been forced to adapt to a new way of life. This drastic change, in itself, is already enough to threaten eating disorder recovery as support services have been restricted and individuals have to work through feelings, thoughts and behaviours under challenging conditions, often alone by themselves. Then there is inevitably the chance and ‘threat’ of weight gain, which, for those with body confidence issues is HUGE. Meanwhile, battling with difficult thoughts about body image can be a challenge for everyone, not just those who have a diagnosed disorder. The notion that we must maintain harsh body standards of ourselves and others is unrealistic and unhealthy at any time, but especially during a global pandemic. Trying to tackle difficult thoughts and feelings about ourselves when looking in the mirror is a challenge for many people; this shows that many of us do have a difficult relationship with our body, an area that we can all work to improve.

Weight gain might happen during this time and in fact, that is completely normal. For those who have a history of and are suffering with an eating disorder or body image issues, going on a lockdown diet and/or pressurise yourself into a fitness challenge can be unhealthy — not only for the potential negative impact on your physical health but more importantly, for your mental health. The anxiety you feel around the thought of weight gain proves that a health kick might not help the issue but further extenuate it and reinforce it. If you are eating normally and gaining weight, then you needed to gain weight. According to Set Point theory, if you are not pushing your body to extremes then your weight will fall within its natural limits. Accepting that these natural limits might not be the ‘stick-thin’ you crave will be hard, but by doing so, you may find your life a lot calmer.

With studying and working from home, we are forced to be static, to take it down a notch, to face the prospect of boredom, loneliness and isolation. The physical and mental effects on those who are living with body issues and disordered eating will vary according to individual circumstances. The difficult emotions arise during the pandemic may cause reliable ‘coping’ mechanisms, such as restriction, purging, binging, to emerge. It is important during these times to look to any advice you’ve been given in treatment and, if you’ve received no treatment previously, look to credible online support such as Beat. Remember that food is strength; I don’t think there’s a more important time for gaining strength than during a global pandemic. Remind yourself that you are not alone during this. Many people are experiencing similar thoughts and feelings. The key is to recognise them and work towards making things better. Now go and eat that ice-cream, I know I will. 

For more information Student Space is here to make it easier for you to find the support you need during the coronavirus pandemic.

Click here to see more information from Student Minds about the coronavirus outbreak and mental health. For more information on coping with eating disorders, please click here. 

Hi, I’m Anna, I’m a sub-editor for the Student Minds blog and a recent graduate. I suffered with an eating disorder whilst I was studying for my undergraduate degree but am now passionate about spreading awareness of eating disorders and volunteer with Beat.

Recovering From Anorexia During a Worldwide Pandemic

Laura writes about the impact of COVID-19 on her recovery and shares tips on how to stay well.

- Laura Hanton

One of the first signs that a pandemic was upon us could be seen in the supermarkets: people began stockpiling. Pasta, tinned tomatoes, rice, bread, milk, flour; everybody decided they needed food, and they needed a lot of it. Whilst this is, of course, an entirely understandable reaction to the prospect of scarcity, for people with eating disorders, it added another challenge in already uncertain times.

An extreme, obsessive focus on food is exactly what we with eating difficulties are attempting to overcome. Yet suddenly, fights are breaking out over the last box of eggs; questions and concerns about the supply chain proliferate the news; trips to the shops are limited and wrought with anxiety. There are fears that supplies of our safe foods may be short, or worry that an excess of food in the cupboards could trigger a binge. Our eating disorder voices tell us that we don’t deserve food in times like these, and that by eating it we are taking it away from those who need it more. For others, suddenly being plunged into a world of enforced rest is the stuff of nightmares. We often keep busy to try and silence the thoughts which tell us we aren’t good enough, that we aren’t worthy of food. We fill up our days in a sustained effort to squeeze the eating disorder out, but with little to do the beast has free reign of our minds.

Perhaps most significantly, many people develop eating disorders as a way of gaining a sense of control. When it comes to COVID-19, we have no control: we don’t fully understand how it works; we don’t know when it will end; we don’t know what the ultimate impact will be. In a time of such uncertainty, controlling what we eat can seem like the only way to get a hold on things. Yet this is an unprecedented and challenging time for everyone; it’s important to remember we aren’t alone. 

Stress and anxiety abound, and everybody is scared. But frightening things will always happen in life, and anorexia - or any eating disorder - will never be a way to make it through.  The best thing we can do is stay nourished, stay connected and stay well. Ask for help, whether that be with food shopping, meal plans, or finding ways to stay occupied.

Eating disorders prey on vulnerability and will seize any opportunity to bring us down. This pandemic will end; let's make sure we stay well enough to live life fully on the other side.

For more information Student Space is here to make it easier for you to find the support you need during the coronavirus pandemic.

Click here to see more information from Student Minds about the coronavirus outbreak and mental health. For more information on coping with eating disorders, please click here. 

Hello! My name is Laura, I’m a recent graduate and press ambassador for Student Minds. Having struggled with anorexia and anxiety for several years, I want to help raise awareness and reduce stigma related to mental health difficulties.

Managing an Eating Disorder During COVID-19

Bryony sheds some light on some of the difficulties those suffering with eating disorders may be experiencing in light of the current global health crisis. She also offers some advice on how to help yourself and what you could ask others to do to help you.

- Bryony

There is absolutely no doubt that whilst the COVID-19 pandemic we are experiencing at the moment is having unprecedented effects on the physical health of people all over the world, that there will also be an equally unprecedented impact on mental health. However, once the pandemic is over, at least the constant threat we live under will have dissipated and our daily lives will return to normal. However, the pandemic’s detrimental impact on mental health means that many of us won’t be able to bounce back right away. 

Whilst there has rightly been a lot of attention paid to mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety and OCD following the self-isolation and lockdowns associated with this global health crisis, I feel less attention has been given to how this is likely to affect people with eating disorders. Given the variety of eating disorders that may be affected by this crisis, I wanted to take a little bit of time to discuss how they may be affected by the pandemic and offer some advice on how to manage as best you can until this is all over. A small number of articles have been published by brilliant organisations, such as BEAT, outlining how people with both Anorexia and Bulimia, some of the better known eating disorders, are being affected by the current crisis. 

For example, people with Bulimia have reported some anxieties regarding the recent prevalence of food-hoarding which occurs when people stockpile food in unnecessary mass quantities, wiping shops out of all the essentials. For those with Bulimia, this can be triggering because not only are there large quantities of foods to potentially binge on in the home, we are being told to stay in the home with the food all day, making this very difficult to manage. 

With Anorexia on the other hand, some people have reported that they find it very unsettling to watch people engage in mass food-hoarding because it may mean that they are unable to access their typical safe foods or are having to eat foods they do not yet feel comfortable with, producing large amounts of anxiety and distress. 

In addition to the issues related to food, since the isolation and lockdown principles have been enforced, people who suffer from eating disorders have found themselves deprived of many coping mechanisms and distractions which they rely on on a daily basis. For example, the gyms are shut, we aren’t allowed in busy parks or nature reserves, and we can only leave the house once a day. We’re also prohibited from visiting friends or family who we might rely on for support. Likewise, those who find comfort in the distraction of attending school have also had this opportunity ripped away from them. 

And even though the nation’s safety is our top priority right now, that doesn’t make these losses any less painful or any easier to bear. That’s why I wanted to provide some tips on what we can do to manage our anxiety and cultivate healthy eating habits while engaging in safe social distancing practices. These techniques are helping me at the moment and my hope is that they will be helpful to others as well. I have also included some examples of things you can ask others to do if you need support during this time.

What You Can Do to Help Yourself

• Go for a walk in a quiet place (implementing the social distancing regulations) to take your mind off things for a little while. You could even go for a run, depending on what is most appropriate and safe for you at the moment!

• Participate in one of the many varieties of home workouts available online. If you’ve ever wanted to try yoga, HIIT, Zumba, strength or conditioning, now is the perfect time! (As long as it’s safe for you to do so, of course).

• Watch a film or TV series to zone out for a little while. 

• Read a book 

• Take each day one at a time. 

• Keep going with your meal plan/routine. We still need to eat regularly despite the change to our regular routines. 

• Practice the self-care routines of your preference. 

• Talk to people about how you’re feeling, whether that be with professionals or with friends or family.

• Facetime a friend! Maybe even arrange to do something together like watch the same film. 

What Others Can Do to Help You 

• Be understanding, this is an unsettling time for everyone but in some cases, those with eating disorders might need a little bit of extra support during this time. 

• Work with you to see how best to try and reduce any anxiety they are experiencing. 

• Make a meal plan, consider alternatives to your usual foods so you have time to process and cope with this, don’t make a big deal of how much food is in the house or store the food in taunting places. 

• Try not to get frustrated. 

• Listen. 

• Go with you on walks or work out with you, virtually or in person.

For more information Student Space is here to make it easier for you to find the support you need during the coronavirus pandemic.

For more information on coping with eating disorders, please click here.

Hey, I'm Bryony. I am a 4th year Clinically Applied Psychology Student at the University of Exeter. Following my own challenges with an eating disorder, I want to use my story to help others in similar situations. I was really keen to write for the Student Minds Blog as it’s a great opportunity to do just that!

The 'Shame' of Dropping Out

Rylee shares their experience of dropping out of university due to mental health and how it benefitted them in the long run. Hopefully, they highlight the importance of putting your mental health first.

- Rylee 

The excitement

It had arrived. The week I had been waiting for since I was 16… Freshers Week! I had fun, made friends, signed up to clubs, ate too much pizza and drank too much red wine. An incredible time. My flat seemed nice, my room was a good size, and I made it cosy and personal. Everything fell into place. I was happy! I was at a Russel group university! I was excited and loving this new-found freedom.

The realisation 

After three weeks or so, I realised this huge environment was swallowing me whole. Disconnected from students and lecturers. Lecturers who wouldn’t set you apart from anybody else. “Why am I here? Does anyone notice me? Does the university even care that I’m here? Wait, isn’t uni meant to be the time of my life? Why do I feel so horrible here?” This trail of thoughts continued for weeks…

Halls were loud, disrupting my sleep. I had abuse shouted at me through my window. Flatmates were unclean. Lecturers weren’t understanding of my physical health conditions. I stopped singing, I stopped playing guitar. I refused to drink and eat whilst in my flat, so I didn’t have to walk out of my room to go to the shared toilets. I nested in my “cosy” room most days which ended up feeling like a prison. My eating disorder tendencies were returning, my panic attacks were rising, and my depression prevailed. I saw no point. No point in continuing. No point in being in an environment that doesn’t see you as a student… you’re just a number.

The struggle

I made a few trips home to seek the comfort of my dog (and the family too). Every time I had to go back to university I got this sinking feeling, a drop in the stomach, a pain in my chest. I didn’t want to go back to that isolating place. Sure, I had friends I could go out with into town but the overwhelming confusion and turmoil in my mind stopped me from seeking the support from my relationships built at uni. In hindsight, maybe I could’ve spoken to them? But I couldn’t even comprehend my own emotions. I was so lonely. I was alone.

Seeking student support was a big step for me – challenging and daunting. Different universities will have different support available, but my experience accessing support at that time was very disappointing. Signposting from one person to another. I sat in a room and broke down in front of a drop-in wellbeing advisor who sent me to another service which then sent me to an external company. By the time my referrals had gone through I already made my decision… I needed to leave that environment. I ended up leaving early December, feeling ashamed of my defeat. “How could I be a dropout? Education is all I care about and I’ve just thrown the towel in?” – my mind was filled with those self-loathing questions. (How I wish I could’ve told myself then that it would be the best decision of my life!)

Life after the decision

I moved back home, worked full time, went on a couple of holidays and allowed myself time to recover from the decline of my mental health and eating disorder relapses. Now I am enrolled at my new university and I am thriving. The mental health support team are incredible, they have a genuine care for us all. I am back to eating well (for the most part, I still like pizza and red wine), I can leave my room without having a panic attack, and my depression has subsided. In no way am I saying I’m “cured” – intrusive thoughts still peek through and it can be tough, but now I’m in an environment that facilitates growth and support. If you’re struggling with your environment at university, speak up, talk it through with friends, family and university to work out your support plan.

There is no shame in being a “drop-out”, especially when it is to take care of YOU. University can be redone. There is no set timeline or plan you must follow in life. As cringy as it sounds, listen to your heart. Go where you need to go. Do freshers again – have that pressure taken away from that one week and go into university to see it for what it is: an academic journey with friends and laughter. It won’t always be the time of your life because let’s face it, life doesn’t always work like that when you have mental health issues. But you have power, you can change your fate and help yourself. I am an unrecognisable person to who I was at my last university, and it’s all for the better. However, I wouldn’t change a moment of this journey. It’s all another chapter for the book.

You can find more about support at your university and further here.

Hiya! I'm Rylee and I am a first-year Psychology student at the University of Chichester. I am vocal about LGBTQ+ Rights and passionate about changing the stigma around mental health.

Managing Anxiety at University

Lizzie shares her experience of anorexia recovery, changing universities and finding ways to manage her anxiety whilst studying.

- Lizzie

Throughout my anorexia recovery, university was my biggest motivation. I had struggled with my eating disorder for six years and after rushing into university, I found the process extremely overwhelming. I was suddenly away from my home, friends and partner and felt lost amongst the thousands of other students. After a semester, I remember packing up my things and coming home feeling extremely deflated. I wanted to attend university but felt I would never get there. However, with extensive support from inpatient units, community services, and my parents, I finally was in a healthier place and university became an option for me again. I could now be a Psychology student again and work towards becoming a Clinical Psychologist. However, despite the optimism and determination to succeed, I felt incredibly fearful of this new chapter. 

I have always been anxious ever since I can remember and was always referred to as “the worrier” in my family. Despite this, I naively assumed that my passion for the subject would override all of this anxiety and uncertainty, especially as the university was so much smaller and friendlier than my previous experience. I thought I could reinvent myself into someone different. Throughout the first year of my course, it felt like I was living a double life. I desperately didn’t want my course mates or lecturers to see me struggling but it took so much energy to walk into my lecture room, sit down amongst my peers and take in information. My mind was constantly filled with “what ifs” and negative self-talk, feeling that I would never be able to make friends and be myself. I felt this façade of happiness and excitement breaking around me. I walked home every day so frustrated with myself. 

As the months went by, I contacted my university support team and told them about how I was feeling and the impact my anxiety was having on my studies. Speaking out was initially incredibly daunting, but quickly became such an invaluable resource for me. Saying my thoughts out loud made me feel braver and more in control. Throughout the rest of my first year, I slowly came out of my shell and felt more relaxed around my lecturers and my peers. I began to book office hours and asked for help when I needed to. I also formed a friendship group and began to really enjoy my university experience. 

Additionally, in my second year, I became a Mental Health Champion and Volunteer Teaching Assistant, with the aim of helping other students struggling with anxiety. It has been brilliant to get involved in extracurricular activities. I am really enjoying experiencing new things and realise I have SO much more confidence than I thought! As I am writing this, I am nearing the end of my second year. I still have days where I feel incredibly anxious and overwhelmed but I know that I am stronger than I realise. Through reaching out and talking about my feelings, I now walk into each lecture feeling braver and more confident in myself. I really hope to work in Clinical Psychology and help others believe how brave and confident they are too.

For more information on finding support, click here. For advice on supporting a friend with an eating disorder, click here.  

Hi, I'm Lizzie and I am a second-year Psychology student at the University of Chichester. I am incredibly passionate about mental health and currently an Ambassador for Beat and a Mental Health Mates Walk Leader in Chichester.

The Need for Changes to NHS Eating Disorder Recovery Services

Emily shares her experience of living with an eating disorder and struggling to get help.

- Emily

Experiences in the NHS vary from person to person in different locations across the country. The NHS is absolutely brilliant in many cases, but since it is underfunded in many areas, people in need can slip through the hands of the system. Having myself struggled initially to access professional support through the NHS, I am sharing my story to inspire others to keep on asking for the help that you need, whilst shining a light on the need for change to NHS mental health services. 

When I initially told my GP that I thought I had an eating disorder and my periods had stopped due to my low weight, I was told that unfortunately my weight meant that I was not a priority for professional support. This can be the case for many of those suffering eating disorders as the threshold for referral to specialist treatment can be based on having a very low BMI. To my eating disorder, this felt like a challenge to keep on losing weight, encouraging it almost, which can feel so distressing especially when you are finally finding the strength to reach out. It can feel like you have to be ‘sick enough’ or to have reached crisis point before you ‘deserve’ help. 

My ED continued to spiral during college and university; I became more isolated, stressed and anxious with the intensive workload and exams, while the evil voice in my head was pushing me to eat less and less in order to cope. I struggled to focus in lessons as my starved mind was fixated on my hunger and I didn’t have the energy to want to do anything with my new friends, so I had no one to turn to for professional support as my particular university didn’t have a counsellor or nurse available at that time. With my body changing, I hated the way I looked as my ED focused on starvation and punishment rather than body image. Clothes didn’t seem to fit, my body was constantly struggling to keep warm and my body hair grew excessively so I just wanted to stay home.

I returned to the GP once again several months later, after having lost more weight and still not had my period. I was referred to a dietician on a 3-month waiting list. Having hoped for more targeted support to manage my eating disorder, I was left disappointed and let down. She suggested I eat healthy foods, do more exercise and stated that I didn’t have an eating disorder. 

At the start of the new year, I realised that my mental health was continuing to deteriorate and that I needed help. I decided I didn’t want to live with my ED controlling my life anymore. So, I asked for help again after having lost even more weight. I was tested with bone scans, blood tests and ECG’s until I was finally referred to a specialist clinic an hour away. I was grateful for some support, but the appointment availability was scarce and few, with my first appointment even cancelled due to lack of staff. 

However, now I am receiving proper professional help, I can’t stress how glad I am I reached out and how impressed I am by the services of the caring NHS nurses who are dedicated to getting me better. It shows there is light at the end of the tunnel once you make the first step in asking for help. 

My experience, like many others, shows how underfunded and unspecialised the NHS system for eating disorders can be. Given these limitations, it is even more important to stay focused on asking for help in order to get the support you need. GPs need more training on how to spot the signs and how to refer specific treatments to ensure patients get to help they need fast without getting lost in the busy system. And for those that might feel like they are slipping through the fingers of the NHS, keep asking for help no matter how discouraging the process can feel. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. 

For more information on finding support, click here. For advice on support a friend with an eating disorder, click here.  

Emily is a first-year university student in London sharing her story to inspire others to get help.

Mental Health as a BAME Student

This person remembers the day they told their mother that they struggle with their mental health and shares their experience of dealing with the stigma around mental health problems. 

- Anonymous

Disclosing to my mum

It is a snap decision. Today is the day. I shiver as I pick up my mug and coffee splashes everywhere. I wipe the split coffee with a tissue and stutter an apology to my therapy group. Time drags by slowly and with every second, the anxiety stewing inside of me grows. During the break, shaking, I pick up my phone and dart outside. I wobble as I dial my mum’s phone number and wait for her to pick up. No response… I breathe a sigh of relieve—the universe has spoken, and this isn’t the right time at all. I start to head back inside… my phone rings. Mum. Crap!

—“Um, I need to tell you something mum,” I mutter.

—“What is it?” she asks.

—“Mum, I have an eating disorder. And – and – and, I am on antidepressants and I started therapy two months ago...” I blurt.

My mum asks me what an eating disorder is, and I explain. I tell her about all my secret behaviours; the compulsive exercising and restriction. She listens and tells me that antidepressants are not good; “they make people crazy”. Then she prays that I get better soon. I thank her and cut off.

…One and a half years later...

We haven’t talked about it since. However, she points out my weight gain; apparently, I should exercise more when I am at university and eat fewer fatty foods. It hurts. It almost destabilised my recovery.

I sometimes get angry at my situation. Since the age of ten, something has felt “wrong.” I spent my childhood lost in a dark place. It should have been picked up. I should have felt able to open up about my emotions. I should have had therapy. I was let down.

However, I do not blame my mother. She was born in West Africa. She was raised in abject poverty and famine. Her childhood was walking several miles to school in battered shoes; selling food at the local market and looking after her many siblings. She starved and had to make many sacrifices. Her life was hard, but she survived. On the other hand, growing up, I had food, water and shelter. I was British and “spoilt.” What did I have to complain about in comparison? What did I have to be sad about?

Fighting mental health stigma

To my mum, my struggle with mental health problems was not a “real” issue, but rather an exaggeration and attention-seeking. My parents hold stigmatising views of mental illness. They use the category “hysterical women” and describe mental illness as “possession by evil spirits and devils”. They label misbehaving children, people with learning disabilities and quite frankly, anyone who deviates from societal norms as “crazy”.

Recently, the perception of mental health is shifting among my parents’ communities. There has been more acknowledgement that mental health conditions are “real.” Research into mental health and people’s perceptions of mental health is also growing in their countries of birth. In fact, following the traumatic kidnapping of the schoolgirls by Boku Haram, some girls who escaped were given therapy. However, society as a whole is still fighting stigma related to mental health problems. Amongst some of the older generation, people with mental health problems are still labelled as “attention-seeking” and “crazy”. Such stigma creates additional barriers for me and many other young people to receive much-needed supports from their close family.

It is so difficult pretending that I am “good”, when actually, I am having panic attacks every day. It is hard being torn between the need to gain understanding from my parents and the reality of hiding my anti-depressants from my parents. I get frustrated when my parents make comments about how I am getting anxious or crying over very small things. Regardless, I try to educate my parents about mental health. I explain the pressures that young people face and that my anti-depressants actually stabilise me. I insist that struggling with my mental health does not mean I am weak. And I think, little by little, the message is sinking in.

To learn more about the individual and societal challenges facing members of BAME communities, check out this resource compiled by the Mental Health Foundation. 

Information about support for you is available on the Student Minds website.