Dealing with OCD as a student on a gap year

Maheen shares her journey as a student with OCD on a gap year, describing personal experiences, and tips that helped her through daily obstacles when presented with situations she could not control completely.

- Maheen Ahsan

As a student on a gap year, I always thought this would be the perfect opportunity to travel, meet new people, and try new things. But what I didn't expect was to be dealing with my OCD on a daily basis. 

 I decided to take a gap year after completing my A-levels, because the uni I wanted to go to already had their quota full for my preferred program, and that in itself was a huge blow. As someone with OCD, studying became something I found comfort in because I could control it, and it benefited me. So I wasn't ready to lose something that felt comfortable for more than a few months. 

But this meant a whole year without that.  

My experience with OCD means that my mind constantly races with intrusive thoughts, and I find myself obsessing over the smallest details. Whether it's the way I arrange my clothes or the routes I take, I can't help but feel like everything has to be done in a certain way, or else something terrible will happen. I remember suddenly finding myself obsessed with turning the air conditioner off and constantly worrying about the 'consequences' of me not doing it on time. 

It's exhausting, to say the least. It feels like I'm constantly battling my own mind and, sometimes, it feels like I'm losing. Even if you take your medication, sometimes you just feel, like a human, no matter how hard you try not to.  

However, I know I'm not alone. Even though sometimes it can feel like no one would ever understand. There are so many others out there who are dealing with OCD and are struggling to make sense of it all. And that's why I'm writing this post. To let you know that it's okay to feel the way you do and that you don't have to go through it alone, and it is okay not to know what to do, no one is born with a roadmap. 

The key is to find ways to manage your symptoms. For me, that means practising mindfulness, getting enough sleep, and talking to a therapist. But management is individual to everyone and might look very different for others.  

I've been on this gap year for about 6 months now, and these are the key things that helped me slowly gain a little control over aimless afternoons, uncertain plans and seasonal depression:  

1) Journaling. This is quite a cliche I know, but it really is the most helpful thing sometimes, especially if you're like me and fidget with your hands when you're anxious, it's nice to gain a little control over a small thing, like drawing a shape. OCD anxiety for me happens usually when I can’t control a situation. So it is a nice quick tip to add a little part of the process that I CAN control. 

2) An activity that makes you sweat. I'm not big on sports, I like to read instead or play video games, but I was completely missing movement in my everyday life. During my schooling,  I had the excuse of not having time since I was studying so much but connecting to your body in the form of movement, whether it's slow, fast, or minimal, really impacts your mental health. I took up pilates, and the ability to slowly learn to flex longer and move with more intention has been a phenomenal help to my mindfulness. 

3) The flower method. I noticed my anxiety getting worse upon grocery store trips, and I'd sit in the car at least 20 minutes before I went in but I wanted to be able to feel in control of my actions, and not let something from the outside world have such an impact, so I came up with the flower method. Here's how to do it. Firstly, take deep breaths, and then continue to draw imaginary petals (i.e daisies) on a preferred surface. I  like to do this on my thighs. You decide how many petals your flowers have, intend to draw a certain set of them, and tell yourself, after completing these, I will do what task I’m apprehensive about. And boom! you created a part of the process that you got to control and decide. This helps me in the most pressure-inducing everyday cases.   

So if you're a student on a gap year, and you're dealing with OCD, know that you're not alone. It's okay to ask for help, and it's okay to take things one day at a time. Remember that you're not defined by your OCD and that you have the strength to overcome it. Self-care is not selfish.

Find out more about OCD and how to support someone.

I am a 21-year-old student, just having completed A-levels after struggling with severe depression, OCD, anxiety and an eating disorder. I wanted people who may feel like they got 'left behind' after leaving school to know that it's okay to take a break, it's okay to struggle, and it's perfectly alright to do things differently. Though this is a very small part of my journey, I want people who feel similar to know that we can be there for ourselves and love ourselves no matter what.

Taking back control

Ashley talks about her experience living with OCD and the benefit of journaling.

- Ashley Cottrell

Trigger Warning - Discussions of energy drinks and after effects.

I thought I was losing my mind. 

It started with small, simple things, such as what I had for dinner the night before or which street I parked my car. I was in my second year and my first year living in an apartment off-campus. Everything was normal, or so I thought.

I have always excelled academically, ever since primary school. What began as a fear of failure transformed into a bit of an obsession for excellent grades (both can be early signs of OCD, but I didn’t understand this until adulthood). I was the 11-year-old stressed out at midnight over a class project, the 15-year-old finishing an essay at 1 AM, and now, the 19-year-old pulling an all-nighter for midterm exams. My friends would joke that I had no problem sacrificing sleep and social life for an "A." 

This was true. 

Since I was also working full-time as a student, journaling helped me stick to my daily goals: classes in the mornings, work from noon to evening, and homework or studying at night. Weekends were reserved for resting, which for 19-year-old me meant extra work hours. 

One afternoon, however, something changed. As I was driving to work, I felt myself drifting out of consciousness. My eyes were heavy, my vision blurring, breath slowing. Suddenly, I snapped awake. I was sitting at a green light in the middle of the street, my foot miraculously still on the brake. An immense amount of fear immediately swept over me. 

I started relying on Red Bull energy drinks, convinced they would keep me focused if it ever happened again. I needed to study. I needed to work. I needed to make the Dean’s List again. I rocked back and forth at my bedroom desk as the obsessive thoughts intruded my mind. I began to experience a shortness of breath, my heart thumped loudly, the room blurring. I fell from my desk and dug my fingers hard into the floor, clenching the carpet between my nails. What is happening to me? 

Convinced I had some form of illness, I decided to make a walk-in appointment at the campus medical centre that following morning. The doctor performed the usual check-up: temperature, blood pressure, review of medical history, etc. She said everything was normal, and I assured her it was not. I insisted that something must be wrong.  

The doctor sat back in her chair for a moment, thinking, and suddenly asked how many hours of sleep I get each night. I replied nonchalantly, “The usual, three to four.” She nodded, understandingly, and gently responded, “My dear, you need to sleep more. That’s all.” With a sigh of relief, I explained that more sleep wasn’t an option for me. “Can you just prescribe me some medication?” 

Instead, she sent me home with a doctor's note for my job and a pamphlet on the importance of sleep. I managed to grab a few more pamphlets that caught my eye before leaving, most of them on mental health. It wasn't until the following semester that I learned about OCD, and that it was indeed an anxiety disorder. My late-night study urges and fears of failing, as well as with other childhood quirks that went ignored, most likely stemmed from it. My shortness of breath and heart palpitations were anxiety attacks. Yet, even after becoming informed and conscious of triggers for the remainder of university, I didn’t seek professional therapy for it until well after graduation. 

For any student suffering from anxiety and stress, you’re not alone. I encourage you to share your struggles with someone. Finally telling my close friends and therapist made all the difference for me. Since my experience in the U.S. might differ from a British university, seeking an off-campus therapist is another option. Also, past time activities, especially journaling, can be an excellent outlet when feeling overwhelmed and drained. The University of St. Augustine has a great visual on the benefits of journaling for students, many of which I've noticed help me. I found writing to be very therapeutic when processing my thoughts, reminding anxiety that I’m in control, not the other way around. 

Find out more about O​CD​ and how to support someone.

Looking after your wellbeing: Read more about the small steps you can take to ​look

after your wellbeing.

Hey! I'm Ashley and an alumna of Virginia Commonwealth University.

I enjoy sharing my personal experiences with others to advocate for mental health awareness. Writing always helped me manage my OCD and anxiety, which is what led me to pursuing a career in it. I'm currently a freelance writer and Content Marketing Coordinator for Siege Media.

4 Lies my OCD Tells Me

Alyssa-Caroline writes about her experience with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and intrusive thoughts. 

- Alyssa-Caroline Burnette

If you’re not intimately familiar with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, you may know it primarily through jokes about people who really like things to be clean or organized. Maybe you’ve heard the condition parodied through such jokes as “Obsessive Coffee Disorder.” But these jokes are both offensive and inaccurate. In reality, OCD is not something to joke about and it isn’t limited to washing your hands, organizing things, or keeping everything really tidy. Although these symptoms get the most attention and the most representation in the media, OCD is actually a thought disorder that produces deeply distressing intrusive thoughts that a sufferer struggles to control. And because people often think that OCD is a synonym for “organized,” many people-- like me-- suffer silently for years before they realize that there’s a name for the cycle of horror their brains put them through. 

That’s why I believe it’s vital to write about my own experience with OCD. Because if I can clear up the misconceptions that characterize our understanding of this disorder, maybe I can help other people avoid the same suffering I’ve gone through. Identifying common intrusive thoughts is crucial because there’s a reason the “Obsessive” part comes before the “Compulsive” when you talk about OCD. That’s because OCD generates terrifying intrusive thoughts that get stuck in your brain; it’s so difficult to exorcise them from your mind that they are referred to as “obsessions.” You don’t want those thoughts to be there, but because OCD thrives on attacking the things you cherish most, it can feel almost impossible to get rid of them. The desperation to free yourself of these unwanted obsessions then generates compulsions or rituals that you perform in a desperate attempt to placate your anxiety. Unfortunately, however, this produces an impossible cycle that ensnares your mind and feeds your OCD. So, for the purposes of this blog, I want to concentrate on four specific lies that my OCD often tells me and how therapy has helped me learn to fight them.

“You did something terrible and you’ve repressed the memory.”

I like to think of OCD as a sort of circus from hell. My Obsessive Compulsive Disorder has an endless array of nightmarish star attractions that it loves to parade before me, and creating false memories is one of its favorite tricks. And it all starts with a random intrusive thought. Everyone has these freaky thoughts that appear to come from nowhere; you can probably pinpoint a specific time when you thought, “What if I just threw my keys into the lake?” or “What if I yelled, “Shut up!” at a person who’s really annoying me?” 

Of course, these aren’t things that you would actually do, so a neurotypical brain dismisses that and says, “Wow, that’s a weird thought!” But a brain with OCD fixates on that thought and says, “What if I’ve actually done that? What if I’ve really hurt someone and just repressed the memory?” The fact that I have no memory of doing something horrible is irrelevant to my OCD; it simply responds with the irrational assertion, “You did it and you just don’t remember.” 

“You’re secretly a terrible person and you’ve fooled everyone into believing you aren’t”

If your OCD can convince you that you’ve done horrible things, it doesn’t require much of a stretch to assume you’re a terrible person. And just as OCD can convince me that I have repressed memories, it also fights any effort at reassurance. When my friends and family try to tell me that I am not a terrible person, my OCD often responds with, “You are and you’re so terrible that you’ve fooled everyone around you into believing a lie.” 

“I need to know this right now.” 

Do you need to know what you were doing last Tuesday at 2:00 pm? Do you need to know it with the same urgency as a person who’s trying to establish an alibi for murder? Probably not. But my OCD often convinces me that small, meaningless details-- like something I said 11 years ago or what I was doing last week-- is vital information and I need to figure it out right now. Often, I have gotten so caught up in this lie that I have dropped everything I’m doing, made myself late, or skipped classes and meetings to solve the problem immediately. 

“I want my mum and my cats to die.” 

If you know me at all, you know that I love my mum and my four rescue cats more than anything in the world. And because I love them so much, my OCD latches onto that and convinces me that I’m secretly harboring a desire for all of them to die. (Because that makes so much sense, right!) For example, if I’ve forgotten to do a favor for my mum or if I’m a bit late in re-filling my cats’ food, my brain catastrophizes and says that I did it on purpose because I hate them and I secretly want them to die. Never mind that there is no evidence for any of this; my OCD encourages me to accept this as truth. 

These are a few of the most common lies my OCD tells me. Living with them is every bit as hellish as you might imagine. But therapeutic techniques have helped me to refute these lies and get my life back. Two of the most common coping mechanisms I use are “coping scripts,” like saying, “I don’t need to know that right now,” and “That is a neutral thought until I apply meaning to it.” These might sound like overly simple phrases but they have been a massive help to me! Because reminding myself that “I don’t need to know that right now” can help me break the obsessive cycle of chasing down meaningless information. It also helps me remember that my seemingly urgent need to know something is just a false signal from my brain and therefore something to ignore. Likewise, affirming that something is “a neutral thought until I add meaning to it” is helpful because it steers me away from the temptation to argue with my OCD. Arguing with OCD will only invite it to generate more horrible thoughts like, “But what if you did?” or “You’re lying to yourself,” so you should never argue with OCD. Instead, acknowledge the thought and allow it to come and go in a neutral state. Remind yourself that intrusive thoughts do not carry intrinsic meaning; this can help you to break the obsessive compulsive cycle and avoid believing that your horrible thoughts are true. 

To find out more about OCD and how to support someone, click here.  

Alyssa-Caroline Burnette is a PhD student at the University of Southampton and a member of the Student Minds editorial team. As someone who suffers from OCD, PTSD, and anxiety, she is passionate about using her voice to bring clarity and sunlight to misunderstood topics about mental health. 

Realising I needed help

Lottie shares her story of standing up to the OCD bully and seeking professional help.

- Lottie Brown

As a teenager, I knew that my brain was a bit different to other peoples. Whilst everyone else loved the interactive nature of science classes, I was absolutely terrified of all the chemicals. I'd be too afraid to eat at school in case I accidentally ingested any. At that time, I didn't have a name for it, and my chemistry teacher was so understanding that I managed to establish a pattern of avoidance that satisfied my OCD. At 15, my fears turned to religion and I was obsessed with the thoughts that God would curse me. The compulsive handwashing really ramped up a notch at this point, it took so much time up that I began to search for answers. I know it’s not advisable, but I googled all the symptoms I was experiencing; that's where I first came across Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Some of the symptoms sounded so familiar, I began to suspect that I had it. As a result of my Google searches, I believed that the only way to treat something like this was to expose you to your triggers over and over again, and the thought of this terrified me. So, I tried desperately hard to hide my symptoms. As I continued to thrive academically, I began to believe that the OCD voice was responsible for my success, I thought it was saving me from being cursed by God with failure. The more I succeeded, the more of a hold OCD had over me. But as with many mental health conditions, the longer OCD is left untreated, the worse it gets. In the final year of my degree, this came to a head and I suffered a breakdown.

It took months for me to finally understand the breakdown. I’d had some counselling at university, but there was no specialised help for the OCD. The support from university was mainly designed to get me through my final weeks at uni. So, when I returned home, I decided it was time to visit the GP and get some professional help. I know that hindsight is a wonderful thing, but I truly wish I’d sought medical help earlier. OCD affects so many aspects of your life, it makes everyday activities so difficult and time-consuming to carry out. I very nearly dropped out of university, I became so detached from my life that I could barely hold a conversation with people, I spent every moment of the day trapped in rituals. I was in such a mess. I try not to think about it, but I know that my university experience would have been so much more enjoyable if I had just sought help sooner, before I’d reached crisis point.

It’s hard opening up and talking to someone about your mental health, but this crucial first step will help you tremendously. It started me on my path to recovery. So far, it has involved CBT, medication and various support groups. I'm still on this journey, I don't know if I'll ever be free of the obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviours for good. But one thing I do know is that without professional help I wouldn't now be able to manage my symptoms more effectively.

I know that I am far from alone in the struggle of living with OCD. So many people live with OCD for years before seeking help. Standing up to the OCD bully is terrifying but getting professional help can be life-changing. There is no one-size-fits-all treatment for OCD, but speaking to a professional can help you establish a treatment plan that works for you.  

To learn more about OCD and seeking support, please visit OCD Action or Student Minds.

Lottie is a PhD student in Classics at the University of Bristol. She has been struggling with OCD and anxiety for several years, and is very passionate about raising awareness of mental illness and challenging stigmas. She regularly blogs about her own experiences with mental illness here.

Facing my fears

Krishna writes about one of the biggest challenges of her OCD - telling the people close to her.

- Krishna

I vividly remember when I first told my parents about my OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). It wasn’t out of choice, I didn’t plan to sit down with them and explain how I had been experiencing something so utterly confusing and debilitating. I told them because I physically couldn’t hide it any longer… My mom had asked me to mop the floor, a typical task on a Friday. The problem was, the kettle needed filling and she was handling raw meat by the sink. Raw meat was the thing at the top of my list of fears and triggers for my contamination OCD at the time. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t move. I must have stood there for at least an hour trying to fill that damn kettle. I just wanted to cry and scream and escape. We both got frustrated because of course, she didn’t know why I couldn’t just mop the floor. So I tried, I really did, but I physically couldn’t. Every fibre of my being was telling me to stay away from the danger, going near the meat felt like my whole body was burning. I cried, I screamed, I ran away. What followed was nothing short of a few hours of uncontrollable blubbering as I shut myself off in the bathroom.

I couldn’t really brush that off as a bit of PMS (I thought about it). No, I was forced to explain why something as simple as filling a kettle caused me to have such an extreme emotional reaction.

You see, it isn’t just scary living with a debilitating illness. It isn’t just scary trying to get through university when you can’t physically leave the house. It’s also terrifying trying to explain this to the people you care about. Its scary imagining what they will say, what they will think, if they will treat you differently. It's even scary writing this to share with the world.

We all know that fear is a useful response, but when that fear takes over your life, it takes away pieces of your life. For a long time I wasn’t honest with my parents and the people around me. It was easier to hide, lie and pretend that everything was fine than trying to explain something even I didn’t fully understand. Looking back, that behaviour fuelled the shame and stigma of what I was experiencing. Opening up wasn't always easy, I learnt that not everyone will understand, and that’s okay.

But I also learnt that it is so very valuable. Opening up to my parents was one of the most challenging moments of my illness, but I can honestly say that I wouldn’t of been able to get through the most difficult years of my life and treatment for my OCD, without my parents' support. And what followed was a passion for OCD awareness that changed my life.

-

Do you ever avoid walking under a ladder? What do you do if a black cat crosses your path? What do you feel is going to happen? The answer, probably something bad. So we avoid those situations. When I talk about OCD I often liken the feeling to superstitions as I see so many parallels, the worry we know is irrational, the avoidance or neutralising behaviours.

If you want to imagine a fraction of what it is like to undergo treatment for OCD, walk under that ladder. Let the black cat cross your path. Step on that crack in the pavement. And don’t just pretend it never happened to make yourself feel better, no, you have to experience it. You have to feel the worry and the stress, until that feeling reduces. Over and over again.

Since my recovery there are many days that I am forced to continue to face my fears. Whether I notice that my hands are feeling more dry and chapped than usual, or I see OCD behaviours manifesting in different ways. Now that I understand the illness and how it can dictate your life, I try to continue to put myself in difficult situations and do the things that terrify me.

My one ask this #OCDweek is that you do one thing that scares you. However big or small it may seem on the outside, it doesn’t matter. Whatever makes your skin crawl. Perhaps something that you have always avoided, maybe you want to open up to someone about your own experiences. Because this is the biggest lesson I could ever give you on what it is like to live with OCD. And what it feels like to battle OCD.

You aren’t alone, so do it with me. Together, we can face our fears.

If you want tips on understanding OCD or want to seek support visit OCD Action or Student Minds.

Hi I’m Krishna, the Design and Office Manager at Student Minds. I setup my first OCD awareness campaign back in 2013 which led me to the Student Minds group at Sheffield Hallam University. I then joined the Student Minds staff team in early 2016. As a graphic designer I am passionate about using design to raise understanding of mental health difficulties, inspire conversations and help to show people that they are not alone.

My Journey to Oxbridge with OCD

Lottie writes about the challenge of managing high pressure expectations with OCD and the importance of remembering and celebrating achievements. 

- Lottie Brown

College was the first time that I really began to excel academically. Following surprisingly impressive AS results, it was suggested that I consider applying for Oxbridge. I never in a million years thought that I would get an offer. Even so, I applied just so that I didn’t have to live with the disappointment of not knowing. When I received an interview I was absolutely delighted yet adamant that I wouldn’t become too attached because I didn’t want to be too upset when I got rejected. To my utter amazement, I received an offer. It was such a dream come true! 

At this time, I was also living with undiagnosed Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, so I knew that the next few months would not be easy. The more I succeeded academically, the worse my OCD would get because I felt I had more to lose. The build up to the A-Level examinations was particularly difficult for me, I carried hand-sanitiser everywhere and there were days when I would be constantly going back and forth from the bathroom washing my hands because I was fearful that if I didn’t, I would do badly on my exams and thus not get to go to Oxford. I struggled to decide which clothes to wear and would get so annoyed if any of my revision papers had been moved, because I thought that they might be contaminated and cause me to fail my exams. It was, in a word, exhausting. The problem was that I was still undiagnosed, so I had no idea how to stop the time-consuming rituals. I wish that I had sought professional help at this point, then I would have been able to use the techniques from ERP therapy to challenge my OCD. It would also have better prepared me for the psychological breakdown that I experienced in the final year of my undergraduate degree. Instead, after sitting my A Levels, I had to use the subsequent months of respite to recover from the exhaustion of OCD. 

When results day came, I was so anxious. I remember going back and forth from the bathroom to wash my hands until it felt ‘just right’; I felt that I didn’t want to negatively affect my A-Level results by having contaminated hands when I opened them up. To my absolute delight, I had fulfilled my offer. I was going to Oxford. I couldn’t stop crying as I ran into my parents’ room to tell them. They started crying as well. Hearing the commotion my sister came out of her room and joined in the crying too. Almost eight years on, this is still one of the happiest moments of my life. It’s a moment that I constantly look back at when I am feeling lost or struggling to find direction. It reminds me that, in spite of a constant and debilitating struggle with OCD, I still managed to achieve my dreams and study at Oxford. And that is something that my struggle with mental illness is never going to take away from me. For anyone who is facing a similar struggle, it is important to get help sooner rather than later. There is no substitute for professional help; it would have been so helpful to have this in place before (rather than after) beginning university. Then I would have had the necessary coping strategies for dealing with the pressures of university life.

Find out more about OCD and how to support a friend here. 

Lottie is a PhD student in Classics at the University of Bristol. She has been struggling with OCD and anxiety for several years, and is very passionate about raising awareness of mental illness and challenging stigmas. She regularly blogs about her own experiences with mental illness here.

OCD Recovery

Jane shares five tips for succeeding in OCD recovery as a student. 

- Jane May Morrison 

For those of us who experience Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, our university experience can quickly start to feel downright nightmarish! However, there’s good reason to be hopeful about OCD recovery. Campus understanding of mental ill-health is improving, media depictions of OCD are raising awareness (see: Channel 4’s brilliant 'Pure'), student health services (though busy) are better-informed on OCD, and every student can access resources like OCDAction’s 'OCD at University'.

Speaking as an (ancient, decrepit, 30-year-old) postgraduate, the changes to student mental health services over just the last decade have been huge. Things have improved! If you’re experiencing OCD symptoms, your chances of getting correctly diagnosed and directed to treatments such as ERP (Exposure Response Prevention) therapy are better now than ever. There is a range of treatments for OCD but I found ERP was a treatment that really helped me. It’s often considered a subtype of CBT (Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy). It can be done alongside GP-prescribed medication. ERP trains you to gradually confront your obsessive fears, without doing your usual mental or physical compulsions. In the long term, it can re-wire the brain (for real: it’s literally visible on a brain scanner). This can drastically reduce the intensity, believability and frequency of obsessive thoughts.

If your student mental health services don’t offer ERP, and you can’t find or afford a private therapist, you can still try self-directed ERP. However, it’s best to do this with guidance from an expert workbook (e.g. David Veale and Rob Willson’s 'Overcoming OCD') or a specially-designed app like nOCD.

Here’s 5 tips for succeeding in OCD recovery as a student:

1) Ask for support at your college/university’s Disability Services. Although mental healthcare varies between institutions, you’ll never know what is available at yours if you don’t ask. As a diagnosed case of OCD is a recognized disability, your university should make reasonable adjustments for it (e.g. extra time on essays or exams, an Independent Learning Plan, the ability to leave seminars early etc).

2) Do the regular homework your therapist sets (even if you don’t want to!).

3) Go easy on yourself during the initial period of recovery. It’s emotionally draining to push through high anxiety without your usual reassurances. Keep busy, but don’t volunteer for too many stressful extracurricular commitments; relaxed events that you can come and go from are better. Practice self-care. Keep your mindset strong with recovery-focused podcasts like ‘The OCD Stories’.

4) Be selective about who you share with. Though OCD awareness is improving, flatmates and friends may still not fully understand the debilitating nature of it, nor fully acknowledge your amazing mental strength in fighting it off. They might think it’s just a harmless quirk, or crack hurtful jokes about how they’re ‘soooo OCD!’ themselves. They can even unwittingly trigger OCD anxieties with throwaway comments about your obsession topic. They’re not malicious – just misinformed. But there are good alternatives: OCD communities online, helpline support, university mental health groups, and many off-campus UK support groups.

5) Try to make lifestyle choices that help recovery, not hinder it. The newest evidence suggests brain inflammation as a factor in mental illness, and binge-drinking, insomnia and junk food are unlikely to help. Many people with OCD report symptom flare-ups after heavy drinking. Nobody’s saying you can’t occasionally have a few pints, but if you DO decide the temporary buzz of getting hammered isn’t worth the OCD panic attack tomorrow, it’s 100% ok. You do you!

You can find more OCD information, advice and experiences here 

Jane May Morrison is backcombed eco-goth, studying for a Human Geography PhD in the wonders of low-carbon energy/heat, at the University of Exeter. She also writes feminist fiction. Late-diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder and OCD, she'd like to help make life a wee bit easier for others with these conditions. Find her on Twitter @JaneMayMorrison.

Stress and the Future: Stress Awareness Day

Katie shares her own experience of Stress in support of National Stress Awareness Day!

- Katie

Sometimes it’s easy to feel overcome with fear of what the future might hold. The unknown is scary to everyone, but those of us who deal with Anxiety, OCD and other mental difficulties, are likely to stress even more. Here’s how I deal with the stress of moving forward:

I’m currently in my second year at University which is usually the time in a person’s academic life when people are told to be considering their future, future careers in particular. I’ve been bombarded with emails regarding career fairs, talks, and opportunities and sometimes it can all feel a little bit overwhelming. I’m 19 years old, I don’t know exactly where I will be in the next ten years, and this often causes me a lot of stress.

The unknown is terrifying, isn’t it? But it doesn’t have to be. I deal with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) in my everyday life and this means that I like order, and the future is something I cannot control. There is no set path through life that everyone goes down, life varies so much for each person but this isn’t a bad thing.

It’s okay that we can’t have everything planned out. Life is so much more exciting because it is unpredictable. Will I live in England forever? Or will a future job or relationship mean I move abroad? How many children will I have? What will my home look like? These are all questions I cannot answer. Of course I can have a basic life plan, but no one knows exactly how life will turn out.

When you tell someone you suffer from anxiety, often you hear this response ‘just don’t think about things that worry you’, which is an impossible feat for anyone to achieve. I have my own ways to deal with anxiety and stress; useful tips I want to share with you. Therefore, when the thought of your future gets you down, you can find a way to calm yourselves, relax and know that no one’s future is set. You can turn that anxiety into excitement for what your life might bring.

Firstly, a good night’s sleep is always a good way to combat stress. I use an app called Sleepcycle to track how well I am sleeping. I also use it to notice any patterns in my eating and drinking habits, and other activities which could be impacting my sleep. Food and drink are very important as caffeinated products are going to intensify stress and anxiety. For me the effects of caffeine particularly on my heart rate is what led me to restrict my intake of things like coffee.

Secondly, reading is my safe haven. Whenever life seems to get a bit too much I bury my head in a good book. I am currently reading ‘The Little Book of Hygge’, which is a particularly relaxing book as it’s all about the ways in which Danish people live their lives, as Denmark is known as the happiest country in the world.

Finally, little things like lighting candles, and taking long hot baths, listening to your favourite album whilst taking a long walk on a crisp sunny morning can all help to destress your soul. The app Headspace is a favourite of mine. I listen to a guided meditation each night before sleeping as it allows you to clear your mind of the days worries and helps you get the best night’s sleep you can.

Stress is a part of everyone’s lives but I hope that some of you can use my tips to relax. Remember it’s okay to feel worried sometimes, you just need to be able to let go of that worry at the end of the day. Don’t let it drag you down, trust me I’ve been there, but you can power through. You’re not alone. I hope you all have the most exciting lives you could ever want.

 

Hello, I’m Katie, a history student in her second year at Queen Mary University of London. Going to university while living with diagnoses of GAD (Generalised Anxiety Disorder) and OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) can be difficult; I am writing for Student Minds to share my experiences.

‘I’m so OCD’

People like to use the term 'OCD' as a character trait, but what does it really mean?

- Krishna

As someone who suffers from OCD, I don’t think that the phrase 'I'm so OCD' will ever stop making me feel like I’ve been slapped across the face. It doesn’t even make sense, I mean think about it.

But that phrase, along with so many others, even along with products that showcase OCD as a form of organization, have made my life so much more difficult.

I first understood that I had contamination OCD when I was at university. For a long time before I knew that I had OCD, my behaviours' were just a quirk. I remember being called ‘infection control’ and always being relied on for having hand sanitizer in my bag. With time, what started as a quirk grew into something much more consuming. By the second year of university this simple overuse of soap was an illness that had the ability to trap me in my own home.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is cycle. It starts with an obsession (an intrusive, recurrent thought) which causes anxiety and severe discomfort. This is followed by an action which stops the anxiety. The issue is that the relief is short lived and the cycle starts all over again. For me this would focus on washing and cleanliness. I remember once having three showers straight after each other because of being near ‘contaminated things’ in my own home. It was exhausting.

At my worst it was a struggle to leave my home, I was unable to cook food and use a public bathroom? Forget about it! But there were also other things. Things that were more subtle. I would lie a lot to avoid certain social situations; I used food and alcohol as coping mechanisms (which when you are at university doesn’t always ring alarm bells) and my self esteem was basically non-existent. All of these things were interlinked. It wasn’t that I had OCD and I washed my hands a lot. It was that I had a debilitating illness that affected basically every aspect of my life.

But I think I was lucky. I had heard of OCD at some point in my life, which meant that I started to seek support when I realised that I couldn’t fix what was happening by myself. I also started campaigning and decided to use my experiences to try and raise awareness. I wanted to put the difficulty that I was going through to some good use. If I could help one person to understand what OCD really felt like or give someone the confidence to seek support themselves, then it felt like maybe all the pain was worthwhile. That it had a purpose.

Recovery was a long process. When something is so integrated into your life it takes a lot of work and time to change it. I often say ‘recovery’ because I view mental health on a spectrum. There isn’t ‘well’ and ‘unwell’ in my opinion. My recovery was about understanding and recognizing the harmful thoughts and behaviours’ that I had developed and challenging them. Forcing myself to face them until they no longer caused me pain or anxiety.

Imagine that - think of the one thing that you are the most terrified of in this world, then imagine having to face it every single day for prolonged periods of time until you are no longer scared of it. No it wasn’t easy, but it was perhaps the most beneficial and life-changing thing that I have ever done.

We should all be looking after our own mental health just as we would our physical health, because it isn’t an abnormality to experience a mental health difficulty and recovery isn't about never feeling down or unwell. I have experienced recovery but I still go through periods of difficulty. Times where I can feel the intrusive thoughts creeping back, manifesting themselves in different ways. When I notice that I am going through bottles of soap much quicker and using avoidance techniques again. The difference now is that I can notice it. I can see the signs and I know what I need to do to ensure that it doesn’t get worse.

I will forever feel frustrated when I hear phrases like ‘I’m so OCD’ because it trivialises something that impacted my life in such a consuming, challenging way. It isn’t a joke; it's very real for a lot of people. This OCD Awareness Week I want to continue to share that understanding.

The next time you hear someone joke about OCD, question it, ask them what it means. Then tell them what OCD actually is.

You could be helping someone like me who just needed to know that she had an illness, that it wasn’t her fault and that it could get better. And it did.

Want tips on understanding OCD or want to seek support? Visit OCD Action or Mind.

Hi I’m Krishna, the Design and Office Manager at Student Minds. I setup my first OCD awareness campaign back in 2013 which led me to the Student Minds group at Sheffield Hallam University. I then joined the Student Minds staff team in early 2016. As a graphic designer I am passionate about using design to raise understanding of mental health difficulties, inspire conversations around mental health and help to show people that they are not alone.

Never Giving Up

Living away from home isn't always easy, especially for those of us who suffer from mental health difficulties. But there are other ways to complete your degree whilst living at home...

- Katie

Hi, I’ll start this off by introducing myself: I’m Katie, a history student at Queen Mary University of London. Oh, and I suffer from GAD (Generalised Anxiety Disorder). As fate would have it, my mental health started deteriorating just before I started my first year at university (I know. Great planning, brain). Let’s just say first year wasn’t exactly a walk in the park for me, but I got help and I got better at dealing with my difficulties.

Of course, mental health issues don’t just disappear: instead, you learn what makes you feel better and what makes you feel worse. By the end of first year, I had realised that what really made me happy was my family. We have always been an extremely close family. Throughout my first year I was coming home every single weekend. Home is where I felt safe.

When first year was finally over and I spent my long summer at home, I found myself dreading the idea of having to start second year and being away from home again. So many of my friends love being at University, having their independence and being able to go out when they want, to eat what they want, and to do what they want – but that’s not me. I even thought about dropping out, but I love my degree. I didn’t want my mental health to dictate my life for me.

So I decided that, for my second year, I would have the best of both worlds (don’t start singing the Hannah Montana theme tune). I would live at home, and complete my history degree, and begin commuting. I live in Norfolk, and it’s a four hour round-trip to and from university, which is one hell of a commute, but I knew that this was the right decision for me. Of course the thought of all that travelling and having to rely on public transport was scary, but as soon as I made that decision, it was like a huge weight had been lifted.

I’m not going to lie: it is a long journey. But I can read, or listen to music or do coursework whilst I travel, and I know that at the end of each day, I’m going back to my home, to my family (and my adorable puppy), and the commute is a small price to pay for all of this.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that mental health issues suck. No one wants them and they have a tendency to flare up at the worst of times, but we can’t let these issues dictate how we live our lives. University is a big deal and so many people experience it differently. Just because I live at home and don’t go out partying every night doesn’t mean I’m not a ‘proper student’. No matter how bad things get, it will always get better and there will always be a way for everyone to do what they want to do. I wanted to complete my degree but I wanted to live at home, and I got used to the commute. For anyone thinking about commuting: just give it a go. You might just find that it is the solution to your university dilemmas, like it was for me. Good luck to anyone who might be reading this, and however you’re feeling right now – anxious, apprehensive, excited – I hope that you keep fighting and never give up.

Hello, I’m Katie, a history student in her second year at Queen Mary University of London. Going to university while living with diagnoses of GAD (Generalised Anxiety Disorder) and OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) can be difficult; I am writing for Student Minds to share my experiences.

Personal Advice from a Travelling Uni Student with OCD

As a lover of travel and long-term OCD sufferer, Jodie knows how the two can sometimes create an ugly mix making it harder to shhh that OCD bully inside your head. 

- Jodie Randell 

This article aims to assist anyone wishing to travel with OCD, by outlining some personal tips I have learnt. It is important to note that I am not a healthcare professional, and you should always consult a doctor for professional advice. 

Research your destination
I always hear people say it’s exciting to go to a destination blind-eyed but, in reality, that can create more problems than it’s worth. Researching your destination will minimise any unnecessary stresses that might push your OCD into alert mode! Find out simple things like the kind of laws and customs the country your visiting has, so you don’t stumble across any major surprises! Also, research more specific things, for example: if your travel insurance covers mental health; if your medication is legal and available abroad; if you're allowed to take any medication on the plane, and what mental health services are available at your destination. Be sure to check the FCO mental health page for more advice on travelling with a mental health issue.

Be aware of your fears, and rationalise them
Travelling can present OCD nightmares, such as fear of flying, fear of contamination or fear of being away from the ones you love. Ignoring these fears is much easier said than done, but if you try to rationalize the fears OCD creates, they should have far less of an impact on your wellbeing. If you’re scared of flying, look up information on the safety of flying, or take a fear of flying course. If you are unsure about eating abroad, research advice from the NHS on food abroad, or take some easy meals along such as porridge oats, which only requires boiling water, making it an quick and safe meal.

Keep in touch with friends and family
Talking to your loved ones and having a bit of a giggle can distract you and bring you back to reality, positively impacting your day and your OCD! For me, when my OCD gets really bad I know my friends and family can cheer me up by a simple chat on the phone. Also, don’t be afraid to make new friends – you can learn many things from different people, including being introduced to other cultures and ways of thinking.

Plan your first couple of days
I find my OCD is worse when I do not have a set schedule. This is because my mind has time to wander and stress about the smallest things. So, make a set plan for your first couple of days, or even the first week. This eliminates the panic of organising things on the day in an unfamiliar place, making your mind less vulnerable to OCD!

Have down time and save money for rest days
OCD can be an exhausting game! Make sure you treat yourself and be kind to your mind by not overworking it – this will make it stronger to tackle that pesky bully OCD creates! Take a day to read your favourite book, listen to your favourite music, or simply swing on a hammock in the breeze. Set money aside for these rest days; perhaps there is a hot spring or spa around the corner you can immerse yourself in!

OCD can be exhausting and tough, but let's not allow the OCD bully win by stopping us do the things we love!

Going on a year abroad, and not sure what to expect? Visit our Year Abroad resource for lots of information and tips to read before you fly off!

University Life with OCD

Natasha writes about how she battled through her OCD whilst at University.

                                                                                                                    -Natasha Neary

Being a student is hard enough without having to deal with the added struggles that come with poor mental health – in my case, OCD. Looking back on my experiences, I wish that I’d have done things differently when it came to taking care of myself. However, now things are on track and I thought I’d share my story of living with OCD as an undergraduate student.

From what I remember, I began to develop signs of OCD as soon as I entered my first year of college. I had no idea what OCD was at this stage and so I just trundled along, confused and anxious, somehow able to get through another three years of education.

Things became a lot harder with the prospect of starting university just around the corner. I moved away from home, away from my friends and family, and thanks to my anxiety that tags along with OCD I started to feel lonely, scared and at a total loss. It was at this stage that my symptoms became more apparent and a family friend eventually sat me down and told me that it was possible that I had OCD. After doing some research, things suddenly became clear as I found a reason for my behaviours.

However, I still struggled – a lot – during university. I tried to seek help from my GP, but unfortunately my illness wasn’t taken seriously and I completely shut myself off. I rarely talked about my problems so even my closest friends didn’t know what was going on. I confined my OCD to the tiny little room I had in halls of residence and became fixated with my rituals. Then, slowly but surely, my anxiety grew. My thoughts became scarier, and my mind continued to believe that if I kept doing the rituals (which also got worse) then everything would be fine.

Now, having all of this going on when trying to complete my weekly seminar work, meet deadlines and have somewhat of a social life was often just too much. I was exhausted. Every assignment would result in a breakdown of tears, self-loathing, and feelings of not being able to do this (the work that is). And when I say every assignment, I do mean every…single…one. You do think that it would be easier to quit at this stage, but I needed to do this. My future career depended on it and I would not let my OCD stop me.

I suppose what I want people to take away from this brief insight into my undergraduate study is this: doing a degree is hard. Doing a degree with a mental illness feels 100x times harder. However, persevering is worth it. There will be many times when you feel so exhausted that you just want to throw in the towel and walk away, yet something keeps you going. In a way, I do think my OCD was a part of this. The fear and anxiety that accompanied the thoughts of failing was so strong that completing every assignment became a ritual in itself – and to reach the goal of finishing my degree, I felt that this was ok. I dragged myself, kicking and screaming, to the end and completed my BA with the highest award I could get. And as I did this with the added struggles of OCD, I felt proud.

However, looking back now, I do wish that I had done things differently. Yes, I got through my undergraduate degree, an MA, and now I’m dragging myself through a PhD, yet I only realise now that it didn’t need to be so difficult. There have been a lot of lows, even a lot of highs, and in my future blog posts I’ll share with you some of the deeper details of my experiences and impart some of the advice I wish I had been given at the start of my journey to recovery.

Counselled to Counsellor: A Postgraduate student with OCD

Beth (memyselfnmentalhealth.wordpress.com) shares her personal mental health journey, and how she is managing her illness alongside embarking on a postgraduate course.

-Beth Hopkins

So, my name is Beth. 

On paper, I’m a 22 year old Psychology Graduate with a lovely boyfriend and a supportive family. I spend about 90% of the time in fleecy PJ bottoms, have very high maintenance eyebrows and am an absolute cake addict. However, what many people don’t know about me is that I face a daily battle with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and anxiety. 

For those of you who don’t know, OCD is an anxiety disorder made up of obsessional thoughts. These obsessional thoughts cause the individual to carry out compulsions in an attempt to reduce the uneasy feeling. For example, with myself, I have a constant dread something awful is going to happen. When this unwelcome and, quite frankly, terrifying thought pops into my head, I find it far too difficult to just ignore. My brain tricks me into thinking if I don’t want this awful thing to happen, I must complete a routine to prevent it. It seems irrational even writing this down but the OCD makes it seem so real. 

In my final year of university, the anxiety became too much for me to cope with. It spiralled into depression and I faced a really difficult few months. I find it fascinating when people can recall their experiences with depression through blog posts and autobiographies etc because I really cannot reflect nor can I vividly remember my own. When I look back on this period of my life, I see an empty, dark tunnel where time crept by slowly. Until, I eventually did find the exit. 

It is my recovery from depression that I can remember. My family were the ones who encouraged me to seek help which I am so grateful for. At a time I wasn’t present myself, they were there to recognise this. I ended up being prescribed medication (sertraline) and received regular counselling, both of which helped me immensely. However, I do still have good and bad days. I don’t think my OCD will ever completely go, it’s something that will forever accompany me through life. But I’m still pushing on and I will not let it stop me. So take that. 

It feels that now is the right time for me to begin to share my experiences about how I have dealt with mental health being such a massive part of my life. The help I have received for both depression and OCD has driven me to help others who are also struggling and I hope that I will be able to do that through continuing to share and write about my experiences. Alongside this, I have recently been accepted onto a Counselling Psychology masters which has started this week (eek!). 

I hope to use my own personal blog, as well as my writing in general to share my journey of being an individual who has, and still does, receive help for their mental health difficulties to becoming a qualified Counsellor myself. I want to share my experience in the hope that other students also beginning an academic journey of sorts, who also have their own mental health problems, can relate and feel less alone. 

Worried about starting uni? You’re not alone!

Lisa (aboveanxiety.blogspot.com) shares some valuable tips for anybody that is starting university this September and is feeling a bit worried or vulnerable.

-Lisa

In no less than one weeks’ time, I am going to be starting University (just typing that sentence alone makes my stomach churn a little). Honestly, if you’d told me this time last year that I would be in this situation, I wouldn’t have believed you. I was suffering from severe OCD along with depression and could barely function without help from my Mum, so the idea of moving out and becoming independent was completely off the table.

One year on and University is exactly where I’m heading! Now, I think it is safe to say that the prospect of starting University is a pretty terrifying one for anybody. For some of us though, this anxiety can be more extreme and harder to brush off – especially when you have a mental health condition thrown into the mix. 

For this reason, I wanted to write a post for anybody who finds themselves in a similar position to me. Someone who may be excited to start University, but is also absolutely petrified about it. I will attempt to share with you a few tips that are helping me during this time, but I also hope to reassure you that you aren’t alone in feeling this way – it is actually perfectly normal!

1) Know that you aren’t alone – other people understand!

The words ‘you are not alone’ seem so simple to say, yet are also easy to forget in times of stress or anxiety. It can often feel like you are the only one that is feeling a certain way, but this couldn’t be further from the truth. No matter how it may feel, I can assure you that you aren’t alone. There are plenty of people out there that understand exactly how you are feeling (take me for example!).

2) Talking to somebody can help

If the idea of starting University is really worrying you, tell somebody. Don’t keep all of that anxiety bottled up until it becomes an even bigger deal. Talk to your parents, your friends – anybody that you trust and know will listen to you. You might even find that your friends are just as nervous as you are about University, they just haven’t mentioned it before. Talking about things can really help to take some of the weight off your shoulders, and other people might offer you some advice that you hadn’t considered before.

3) Be prepared!

One of the best things that you can do to make the move to University as smooth as possible, is making sure that you are prepared. There are loads of things that you can do to make this possible, such as forming a list of things you need to do or get before you go. This could be on your phone or in a notebook; whichever you find most helpful. This way it is there for whenever you need it, allowing you to forget about the whole University thing every now and then whilst knowing that it is all taken care of. Personally, I find it useful to write lists in a notebook or in my weekly diary (so long as I actually remember to look at those lists!).

4) Find out what support your University can offer you

If you are worried about your mental health when you are at University research exactly what support your University offers. Visit their webpage and look for their wellbeing services, or alternatively phone them and ask. Most Universities have some kind of wellbeing team on hand for when their students have a wobble. If necessary, make them aware of your mental health conditions before you arrive. Not only could this make it easier for you to drop in when you are actually there, but it will also help the University decide beforehand how best they can support you during your time there. 

And finally, but most importantly…

5) Take care of yourself

It is all too easy when your anxiety is at an all-time high to forget to look after yourself. Or at least, you know that you should, but your anxiety is making it much more difficult. Despite this, I can’t emphasise enough that getting enough sleep, eating well and staying hydrated is so, so important for both your physical and mental health. You don’t want to get to University feeling drained and unwell – this really isn’t going to help the situation! Instead, you want to turn up feeling well with enough energy to fully get involved in all of the exciting opportunities that University will have to offer. So, no matter how hard it is (and trust me, I know how hard it can be) make sure you take care of yourself.

So these are just a few tips that I hope you may find useful if you are as nervous as I am about starting University. It’s important to remember that as scary as it all seems now, it is also super exciting, so try to enjoy this time as much as you can and make the most of the new opportunities on offer! And remember, you aren’t alone! 

Good luck!

Getting ready to go to uni? Find out more tips about getting started with our Starting University guide.