Embracing Vulnerability: University, Mental Health and Lessons From Football

Johnnie talks about learning about mental health, getting support and applying the lessons learnt to his writing.

- Johnnie Lowery

I went off to university in 2017 expecting it to be the time of my life. It was all anyone had said to me about my upcoming experience. In the end, the three years I had at University suffered the same fate as an ‘All You Can Eat Buffet’ - there was simply too much pressure to enjoy it for it to actually be a good time. 

Given what I knew about mental health back in those days, perhaps this isn’t too much of a surprise. I struggled with my mental health when I was a teenager without ever knowing it. The term ‘mental health’ didn’t register with me at all and I would have given you a funny look if you’d tried to tell me I suffered from anxiety and depression. I thought going through tough times was normal for a teenager, and so I never looked to get any help. 

Instead, I consoled myself with the notion that things would get better. The short-term fix for this was going to the football at the weekend because this provided enough of an escape to keep me just about functioning. However tough my week was, there was also something to look forward to at the end of the week when I would be able to go and watch my beloved Sutton United.

In the long term, I put all my faith in my future time at university, biding my time until I moved away into Higher Education. But, of course, this isn’t how it works. Freshers’ week was exciting and was certainly a change of pace from my mundane school days, but the change of scene was merely papering over the cracks. I’d done nothing to address the deeper conflict within me. 

Later on in my first year, I had something of a breakdown. It had all just gotten too much. Waking up in what felt like an out-of-body experience the next day, I knew I needed to get help. I knew the wait times on the NHS for counselling were severe, but the health insurance my dad had for his job covered his kids as well. I was able to get support within mere weeks of knowing I needed it, a privilege I’m aware that most people are not afforded. 

We need to do a lot better in our mental health provision as a country, but there is alternative support to what is available on the NHS out there. A lot of universities have mental health support services in place, and many graduate jobs come with health insurance that includes mental health provision. Whatever point of your journey you are at, I thoroughly recommend looking into what might be available for you, even if you don’t currently feel like you need it. There are lots of different routes to support but, for me, having counselling was the first step on my journey to better mental health, but it certainly wasn’t a silver bullet. I continue to have symptoms of depression and anxiety today, but now know how to recognise the signs and deal with them. I’ve recently started a second round of counselling, more specifically targeted at anxiety, which has been very helpful. 

In a slightly more left-field move, I also took to writing a book about the relationship between mental health and my main passion – football. The creative process was a fascinating experience, not least because there were some useful lessons from the football world that I feel are applicable to everyday life. 

One recurring theme that came up was that it’s a strength, not a weakness, to talk about mental health. Doing so allows us to become better versions of ourselves in every element of our lives, be it on the football pitch or otherwise. A second thing I want to touch upon is the importance of having the confidence to reach out for support when you feel you need it. It speaks volumes that the authorities involved with football are investing more than ever in making sure support services are there for footballers. The Professional Footballers’ Association (PFA), for example, provides a counselling service available for any member, with which they will always be able to find a counsellor no more than half an hour from their home. 

Football is still, sadly, a sport in which the stereotype of excessive masculinity pervades. If these footballers in this environment are looking to support their mental health, then you can do it at university too. In the world of football, everyone is finally waking up to the idea that talking about your mental health is a strength and not a weakness. It’s a lesson I first learnt myself during my first year of university.

Whether you are looking for support for your own mental health at university or supporting a friend, help is available. 

Johnnie Lowery is a keen football fan, following England and Sutton United home and away. His first book, Six Added Minutes, was written while he was at university and published in November 2019. Lowery has a keen interest in mental health based on his own experiences as a teenager when he didn’t understand why he was feeling down. Match Fit is inspired by a desire to ensure mental health does not remain a taboo subject in society.

University life involvement bettering my Mental Health

Wesley speaks on his personal experiences with getting involved with student & university life opportunities and how it's improved his mental health and socialisation skills.

- Wesley Padfield

I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety back in around 2015-16 and it really restricted my abilities to socialise, meet new people and study. I remained very isolated as a result of this and avoided social situations. Most of which came about from persistently being targeted for bullying throughout school for my appearance and anything I’d ever do. This was during an important time of my life in my GCSEs, where studying and being in exam halls were fearful for me. Especially around people, I hated to be around, but I just tolerated these difficulties nonetheless as I didn’t have the self-confidence to stand my ground. I constantly felt depressed, fatigued and burned out. I was the kind of person to always stay within myself with feelings of sadness, misunderstanding and bad thoughts. It was an incredibly dark place for me and even harder to climb out of as I had no support network to fall back on in the worst of times. However, I do hope my personal experiences of my mental health in this blog and where I am now can inspire you to believe that no matter the struggle-some headspace you’re in, a helping hand is the biggest small step you’ll ever need.

Upon the completion of my GCSEs, I ended up moving on to Sixth Form which ultimately worsened my mental health. This is because it wasn’t the choice for me at all and in the meanwhile, moving houses and moving schools proved extremely difficult for me since it meant a whole new institution, new people, new environment, new area; it triggered my anxiety in more ways than one. I was told I would fail during my A-Level studies too, which stuck with me throughout and brought me down negatively; feeling like all the work I’d ever do would be pointless, so I just didn’t try. I never had the feeling of feeling welcomed or understood through secondary school or Sixth Form in any matter of activity/academics until I reached University where feelings of acceptance started to arise.

My mental health, therefore, started to improve and my social skills began bettering for the first time in many years. I originally started studying Biological Sciences at University from the completion of College. However, I quickly found out that it wasn’t for me in the slightest and upon deciding on taking a gap year, I was gotten in touch with from a couple of members of staff from the course of my interest, Criminal Justice & Criminology. The staff were incredibly understanding of me right from the get-go, even before I’d even properly enrolled with that course! This made me feel reassured & supported which otherwise wasn’t the case beforehand.

2020 – 2021: The year it started going uphill because of my involvement with the University of Hertfordshire community and how it positively impacted my mental health & well-being. I was welcomed with open arms by my fellow coursemates, which gave me a definition that university was a dreamy place with happy-go-lucky students wishing the best for others. This is where I applied to be a Student Representative of my cohort which I was successful in, and I won the award for Student Rep of the Year along with being the Student of the Year: Criminology. I always got involved with University Societies where I could meet different people & explore different interests outside of my own in order to improve my social anxiety. Through experimenting with meeting many people, I gradually started to love University life more and more. I pushed myself outside of my comfort zone because no matter what, I still believed that staying the same won’t result in change. Keeping an open mind allowed me to endure every duty with a positive mindset because you can’t live a positive life with a negative mindset.

Skipping to 2021, where I applied to be a School Community Organiser and won an award for SCO of the Month. During my 2nd year of studies, I also won an award for my resilience because of the challenges I’ve had to tackle.  Here I am now, I have 12 different awards under my name because of the initial experience I had with University being so positive and MOST IMPORTANTLY, attending many events, getting involved with all opportunities as and when they come about has grown me into such a better person than I’d ever felt like. I now have a clear career path and a support network behind me of lovely people I’ve met through my University life and to them I thank you and TO YOU, I promise, it’s possible and it gets better <3 “Success isn’t just about what you accomplish in your life, it’s about what you inspire others to do.”

We know that experiencing mental health difficulties at university can feel overwhelming. Explore the support that is available at your university and further. 

Heya! My name is Wesley Padfield, I'm going into my final year of University studying Criminal Justice & Criminology and I'm an Events Assistant for the Hertfordshire Students' Union! I'm sharing my story because I'd like to be able to reach out far & wide to those that struggle with their mental health and to encourage everyone speaks out when feeling really low <3

Men’s Health Awareness Month with Tom Truman

November marks Men’s Health Awareness month, a campaign to support those tackling prostate cancer, testicular cancer, and mental health issues. Tom Truman, Mental Health and Wellbeing Liaison Officer & MBA Student at Coventry University, discusses the issues surrounding men’s mental health and what it means to him.

- Tom Truman

Mental health problems can affect anyone, but discrimination and stigma can make people anxious in talking about their experiences to seek help. Outdated attitudes to gender norms reinforce the myth that men should be ‘tough’, and they are not a ‘man’ if they show any sign of weakness. A lot of men may fail to recognise the warning signs and maybe unwilling, or unable, to seek help. There is no shame in feeling helpless or down; everyone experiences these feelings. Men, it’s OK not to be OK. 

A few months ago, I started running to get fitter. I wanted to spend more time outside and lose some of my lockdown timber! Running is a cheap and accessible method of exercise. The endorphins it produces makes you feel better about yourself and taking part in a run is a positive self-achievement. Within a few months, I built up my confidence and fitness to run a Half Marathon to raise vital funds for Student Minds which was a fantastic experience. Taking part in fundraising on behalf of Student Minds was a great way to have fun and raise awareness of their important work. The fundraising helped keep me accountable for my own fitness goals. Within 4 months of starting running, I managed to run a half marathon and raise over £1200. If you are undertaking a fitness challenge, please consider fundraising for Student Minds: https://justgiving.com/fundraising/tomstudentminds 

Men getting involved with fundraising and talking about mental health are billboards for men’s health and often it sparks off conversations with other men in their lives to talk about their mental and physical health and seek help. 

I would urge anyone who may be experiencing difficulties with their mental health to tell someone because you can bet that you are certainly not alone. The sooner you reach out and ask for help, the sooner you will start to feel better. You just have to take that first step and once you have, things will start to change, and you’ll wonder why you left it so long in the first place.

You can fundraise to support Student Minds and student mental health too, find out more today.

Tom is a degree educated Mental Health and Training professional currently undertaking an MBA in Leadership for personal development. Tom has previously worked in the accommodation, charity, and training sectors. Tom loves Cats and has the dream of going on a safari in Africa to see big Cats in the wild!

How are you? Yes, you!

Hilal talks about taking a step back to ask ourselves how we are, especially during these unprecedented times.

- Hilal Ozduru

How are you? Three words that can open up an entire story.

When asked, how often do we reply with “I’m okay”? We often wait until someone asks how we are but what if no one asks? How often do we, yes you included, actually take time away from our hectic schedules to sit down and genuinely ask ourselves this question? We deserve a chance to get everything that is pent up off our chests, don’t we? We tell each other, friends and family, that they are not a burden on us when they open up and let you in with what’s troubling them. So, why don’t we give ourselves this opportunity too?

Speaking for myself, I have never been good at opening up and would let my thoughts get to me. I would just try to push it all to one side because I didn’t want to burden anyone else or even myself. I have this habit of walking around, up and down my room for hours sometimes, letting my mind wander and worrying about everything that could go wrong. Worrying about my studies, to my health and of those around me, to everything going on around the world. I would like to think that I am getting better at airing out my thoughts to those who care to ask, but I know I have a way to go before I am a 100% there.

We are the one person who we spend the most time with every day. Surely, we owe it to ourselves to get to know our own self better? Sit down when you get the chance. Ask yourself how you are doing. Don’t be afraid to talk to yourself or to be open with yourself. Be you, you have nothing to lose. Encourage yourself. Be kind to yourself. You deserve you. Hear yourself out and go through what is troubling you and what you can be thankful for currently. Take what you’ve said and embrace it, and any changes you have to make for yourself to be happier. Change is not always bad. Take care of yourself, but please do not solely rely on yourself. You might tell yourself that you can handle it or that this is the way you’ve always done it, but take it from me, it’s not worth it. Find someone you trust and cherish them. But remember, finding and cherishing yourself is important too. This balance is important. Always and forever, please remember, you are someone to someone.

Visit Student Space for further support. Explore online resources, access direct support via text, phone, web chat or email and find the support available at your place of study.

Hello, I am Hilal, former Sociology undergraduate and current MSc Criminology and Criminal Justice student with a love for writing. This was my first post on my own small blog, called herewithh, that I am still very proud of.  I was inspired to write this after asking myself how I am doing. Hopefully, in sharing my thoughts, other people reflect honestly on how they are doing.

Why We Started Men’s Mental Health Podcast, Changing MENtality

Caleb shares his experience of developing and launching a podcast with a group of fellow university students through Student Minds’ men’s mental health programme 'Well Lads'. 

- Caleb

As part of Changing MENtality my fellow podcasters and I aim to eliminate stigma and raise awareness through conversation. During our episodes we have shared our own experiences with mental health as well as hosting multiple episodes with guest interviewees.

Personally, I think now more than ever is a great time to start a podcast, especially one relating to mental health. The COVID-19 pandemic has locked many of us indoors, with another voice in the house being something many of us can definitely benefit from.

The discussion of mental health is something which I’ve seen become far more prominent since the pandemic started with many finding a new interest in the subject, possibly as a reaction to their own experiences during lockdown.

In total there’s 16 of us on the podcast team, we all have different experiences of university studying across the country on various different courses.

Euan McDonnell, a Biology PhD student at the University of Leeds, got involved with the podcast hoping to use his own experiences with mental health to help our listeners.

Euan said: “I hoped that I would be able to provide insight and support that I gained through exploration of my own mental health experience so that others could be better prepared if they faced similar things.”

The project wasn’t always a podcast and was part of Well Lads, a Student Minds initiative towards men’s mental health. Sam, a Drama & Screen Studies student at the University of Manchester, was involved in the project during these early stages.

Sam said: “I’ve been involved with this project for nearly two years, longer than the idea of the podcast has been around.

“I signed up because I thought I would learn a lot. The idea of talking about mental health was new to me when I started at university, but I was interested and I thought I could help out by being a part of it.”

Getting involved in the podcast is something I was pretty nervous about at first, as I can imagine many of my fellow volunteers were. The prospect of editing mass amounts of audio and listening to your own voice are enough to make anyone a little bit apprehensive. Thankfully we had training from Adam Ashton, co-host of What You Will Learn to show us the ropes when it comes to podcast production and promotion. It’s safe to say though we’re still in our early days we’ve started to hone our skills and have created a podcast that at we are proud to be part of.

Ben Brown, a Psychology student at Nottingham Trent University, got involved with the project to learn some new skills.

Ben said: “I was looking for volunteering work, mostly just to build up my CV. I was already interested in men's issues and talking about guys' experiences so I signed up.

“I'd never done a podcast before and didn't really know what I'd be doing in the group.”

In December, Ben was part of his first episode, ‘Talking or Taking Meds?’ where Ben, Aidan & Euan discussed the different mental healthcare approaches you can take.

Unlike Ben, being part of a podcast isn’t an entirely new experience for me. While at the University of Salford I was part of the student radio station and later studied podcasting as part of my journalism degree. However, despite prior experience I’ve still learnt a lot, thanks not only to the Student Minds team but also to my fellow podcasters.

Much of the learning doesn’t take place during training but instead happens during episodes when speaking to guests. I hope those who listen learn something new in every episode just like my fellow podcasters and I have when recording.

Mental health has always been something that I’ve been hesitant to talk about, especially when I was younger, but over the years I’ve learnt through talking with friends and family that these issues are far more common than you’d think. Through the podcast I hope to raise awareness of how normal mental health issues are, especially those which we don’t see as ‘typical’.

Below each episode we link to a variety of services that our listeners can use in times of crisis or when they’re needing help. These services include Student Space amongst a variety of others.

Since launching we know that a number of listeners have gone on to seek support from services we have signposted. It’s really rewarding to know that the podcast was able to help people find the help that they need. The very objective we aimed for when first launching the podcast.

To learn more about the podcast and the men behind it, click here.

I'm a third year Multimedia Journalist student at the University of Salford. I joined 'Well Lads' after hearing about it through my work with Make Our Rights Reality and hope to eliminate stigmas surrounding male mental health along with educating people about mental healthcare through my involvement in the podcast. In my spare time I'm a writer and poet sharing much of my work online as well as being an avid fan of professional wrestling and true crime.

Dealing with depression

Vidura shares his top tips for battling with depression and managing student life.

- Vidura

I have suffered from psychological and mental health issues from early childhood. In particular, I have suffered with depression from my early teenage years to my third year of university. They were some of my worst years. However, I turned things around in my final two years at university as I begun to recover. I have gone on to become a successful graduate as an engineer, a dancer, and a motivational speaker. In this blog I'm going to share the things I did to get through the most troubled period of my life. I won't go too much into my story, but I will share some tips based on my personal experience. I know telling someone who is depressed to "get out of it", is not going to work, it's a journey. 

Ask for help or seek professional help.

Go to your GP and try counselling. Ask your workplace or university for additional assistance. I was given time off by the university due to my depression four months in to my third year. The university did not charge me tuition fees for the third year because of my health issues and allowed me to redo it from the beginning. I then took a gap year to dance, which helped my recovery. Had I not spoken to the university and sought assistance; I would not have passed my exams. Let your lecturers know that you are struggling and would like additional time/assistance. It is not shameful to seek help. We all need it. 

Getting support

Find someone who is supportive to talk through your goals. I turned to one of my dance teachers as a mentor who guided me to my goals during my difficult times. You may be able to find a careers advisor at university, someone you can speak to on a weekly or monthly basis. Finding support is important. 

Small victories 

If you are really struggling, set yourself some little tasks. These can be as small as cleaning your room, going out for a meal with friends at university, handing in an assignment or going down to the local shop. These little victories count. You will feel better with a sense of achievement. 

Activities and hobbies 

Hobbies can greatly help you deal with mental health issues by distracting your mind. Playing pool, lying down and reading a book or watching a film can help you feel better for a while. I also found doing things like calculations, studying, or coding completely shuts off any ill thoughts from my mind. Universities also have lots of clubs that you could join and try out. These clubs will allow you to meet new people and widen your social circle. 

Keeping notes 

Make a note of healthy things that makes you feel better and try repeating those tasks on a daily basis. I personally find drinking tea while relaxing settles my brain. You have to enjoy the little luxuries. 

Remember the good moments 

It can be easy to think about all the negative things when you are depressed. Instead, try to think about all the good times you had during your life. I personally think about all the fun I have dancing with my friends and the experiences I shared with people that are close to me. Ask yourself, were those moments worth it? They were! Those moments are worth living for. 

Making Sound Decisions 

When you are suffering from depression you can constantly fluctuate between feeling very high and very low. It's best to wait these periods out before making a crucial decision. Consult your friends or a professional, if you really need to decide on something that's important. I have trained my mind not to  make important decisions without having a clear mindset. 

Exercise 

Exercise was one of the most helpful things in helping me battle through my depression. If you don’t’ have the motivation for it, ask to join a friend. Ask them to let you know when they hit the gym or go for a walk. I always have more motivation to exercise when I do it with a friend. In particular, try leg exercise. Studies have revealed leg exercises are beneficial to a fit mind. 

Retreat to a Place of Comfort 

Find a place of comfort that you can retreat to. This could be going down for a short walk at a local park, chilling at a place in university (a bar or the library), or visiting a friend’s a friend’s place.

Visit Student Space  for further support. Explore online resources, access direct support via text, phone, web chat or email and find the support available at your place of study.. 

I'm an engineer and street-dancer. I battled through mental health issues and depression and have become successful at what I do. I wanted to share my top tips for dealing with depression and getting through student life.

Strength in stories

Dan shares his experience of mental health issues at university and provides reassurance that things do get better.

- Dan Gordon

It was at the end of my second year at university that I first acknowledged that I was a bit off. I had two things I was really looking forward to in the summer and when I was doing them, I remember being aware that I was flat and just not feeling anything about it. That year at uni hadn't been the easiest. I went through a breakup, I wasn’t enjoying my course and I was rarely going out of the house, other than to go out and drink. I would always be thinking that everyone else was having a great time compared to me. At that point, I just put how I felt down to what was going on in my life. I never considered that it was anything more.

My year abroad was coming up and I think I pinned a lot of hopes on it. I thought that would be the solution for all of my problems. It was a huge thing that I’d wanted to do for ages, but when it came around, I didn't feel positive, I didn't feel sad, I didn't feel nerves, I just felt nothing. I tried to tell myself “this is amazing”, but inside, I was just empty. By Christmas, I was starting to think “okay, something might not be quite right here,” and that it might be more than just who I am as a person.

I was at home in England in February and knew I’d put it off long enough, so I booked to see my GP. The doctor suggested that I could be depressed and advised that I attended some counselling. I thought I’ll tell my parents and we’ll book some counselling for when I get back from Vienna in Easter.

On the first Saturday of our Easter holiday, I was watching the TV and having breakfast as normal when suddenly my brain started racing at a million miles an hour. I felt like my head was falling, falling and falling. I suddenly got intense, depressive, overwhelming thoughts of “what’s the point in anything? - it’s all pointless, a waste.” My whole perspective had gone. Everything had changed in that moment.

The day after, I had to tell my mum that something was wrong and that I felt different. I remember I broke down in tears as I told her. I was terrified. I just didn't know what was going on. I was later informed by my counsellor that I had experienced a stress induced mental breakdown. After a few weeks where I didn’t improve, she suggested that I try some medication. From then, it was just a long, long slog.

When you first start medication, you think you’re going to be fine straightaway, but antidepressants take a while to properly work. It is really up and down. Sometimes they can make you feel worse for periods, which makes you feel like you're just back at the start. Those few months was the toughest period of my life. Depression is like a heavy weight. When it comes on strongly, you feel like you can’t move. Everything becomes a massive challenge. At points, you just want to melt into the bed and to disappear. It requires such strength of will. You have to be strong because there are points when you want more than anything for it all just to stop.

Thankfully though, I battled through it and after a couple of months had passed, the medication I was on started to level me out. I stuck with the medication and tried to incorporate some lifestyle changes. I was still very flat but it at least stopped me having the deep plunges and the intense spiralling of my mood.

Once I was back in England permanently, I went to see a psychiatrist who recommended I change my medication as I could still improve. I was now in my final year of uni. Having the breakdown was almost like my mind telling me that I need to change some stuff, because I wasn’t looking after myself. I started to change a few things; going to the library to work, getting more of a routine, drinking less. It took a while, but I slowly started to get some positive emotion back. It was very small at the start, but I remember I started waking up and actually feeling excited for things. It was such a nice feeling.

At the end of my final year, I managed to secure a 2.1. Getting this felt like a huge achievement and was such a relief. I had also managed to get an internship in Birmingham which started in the summer. Moving in on my own and starting my job, I suddenly felt like I had found something I loved. I started finding things that I actually had a passion for, and I loved the routine of work and feeling productive every day. I’m still in that job to this day.

I can definitely say now that I enjoy life more than I ever did at uni. If you’d said that to me a couple of years ago, I would have never believed you. I’ve learnt so much and I know myself so much better now. I know what I need to best look after my own mental health and I am in a much better place for it. I’m by no means perfect, I still take medication to this day and still do CBT, but overall, if I look back on where I was, the difference is huge. I’m genuinely positive about the future and look forward with optimism. I think that in itself is the biggest sign of how far I’ve come.

Find out more about depression and how to support someone.

Hi I'm Dan and I graduated from the University of Sheffield in 2019. When I was going through my initial period of intense mental health issues, I would always search the internet for stories of people who had been through the same experience as me. If I ever found a story of someone who had managed to overcome their difficulties and go on to live a content life, I clung to it like a lifeline. I would think: 'this person was able to get through it, I can too.' I hope my story can be a source of reassurance for others. This is also why I have set up my Instagram @strength_in_stories to provide a place for my story, as well as others, to be shared.

I wish you could see what I see

Matthew shares a poem about hope for a brighter future. 

- Matthew Bucktrout

This poem is inspired by the memories of people uncertain of where they are going or how they are going to make it. For everyone who is struggling now and who will struggle in the future, let these words guide you for these words are a sign of hope that we are not alone, and brighter times are on the horizon. To you I say, I wish you could see what I see...

 

For more support with your mental health, please visit Student Space. For more information on creative writing for the Student Minds Blog, see sub-editor Hannah's blog. 

Hi I’m Matt, a third year undergraduate studying physics at Durham. Like many other students, I've experienced the difficult mental side effects of the pandemic taking normal life away. I wanted to put some words on a page to show that we're not alone, however hard it may seem, and that there is a brighter, new world coming. For those who know me and those who don't, I will always be around to talk about anything or just to listen. Please don't hesitate to ask because a conversation really can save a life. When those dark thoughts take hold all we really want is someone to take our hand and show us the light and I hope with my words I can achieve this.

Living with an Anxiety Disorder - How Small Words Matter

Luke shares his experience of living with an anxiety disorder and how we as people need to be kinder to each other.

- Luke Sullivan

When I found out I had an anxiety disorder it gave me a lot of questions as well as answers to my behaviours. I began to accept my irrational thoughts, my unpredictable mood swings, and my low motivation and energy levels. I would often turn into a stubborn, blunt, unempathetic person. For people who know me, this is the complete opposite to how I portray myself, I have forever been a selfless, caring and warm person. However, living with an anxiety disorder means that one moment I can be happy and bubbly and then the smallest trigger completely flips my world upside down without people knowing. A normal day going to university and sitting in large lecture theatres would seem completely anxiety-free and easy for most people, but for me, it was an achievement to get through it. Being by myself was when I was most content but also lonely and helpless. This is a contradiction I know; how can you be content but feel hopeless at the same time? This is something that, as time has gone on, I have learned to understand. In this blog, I am going to discuss coming to terms with my mental health, how I deal with it, and how we as people need to be kinder. 

Coming to Terms with my Mental Health 

In the past few years, I have learned a lot about myself. I do not define myself by my anxiety disorder, nor do I flog this label loud for everyone to hear. But for months, I was confused by my behaviours and feelings. As my first year of university progressed, I began to feel more and more unlike myself. I, like many others at university, was homesick and also brought the potential stress of a long-distance relationship to university. At the time, I thought these were things I could easily manage, but looking back now, I was far too immature and naïve. This is not me suggesting that long-distance relationships at university do not work; there are plenty that have, but this is something that not many people are prepared for. As the months went on, I became more anxious about going to my lectures, I felt alone and isolated in a room full of people. The silence of lecture theatres was deafening. I would be constantly battling myself, trying to convince myself I was happy with the current situation I was in. But the truth was I wasn’t, but I was too engrossed in my relationship at the time and the advice from my family that university was the place to be. I wasn’t listening to myself. 

As time went on further, I began to have mood swings, from one extreme to another. I was turning into a person I was not, and unable to control myself. I became jealous, obnoxious and ignorant of other people’s feelings. I was portraying myself as someone I was not. I made mistakes and let my feelings completely control my life, the only thing keeping me going was my friends and the consistent sport I participated in. This left me in a very dark place, with my relationship at the time ending bitterly, this left me at rock bottom. A month later I left a note on my uni room desk and left to wander the streets of Portsmouth contemplating how I would end all this pain. 

How I deal with day to day life 

A year on and I have learned a lot about myself, gaining the perspective that I didn’t carry when engulfed in my thoughts of despair and helplessness. Having gone through months of pain, along with the unexpected passing of my father, I got as low as I have ever been. However, through counselling, and allowing time to heal, I began to grow and become myself more. And yes, I know it’s a cliché, but time is the best healer. Yes, it’s a long and drawn-out process but allowing time to pass and looking after yourself is paramount. Due to going through these traumas, my mood swings became worse, I punched walls, I shouted at my mum… things I would never do if I was mentally well. For months I tried to understand my feelings. The smallest triggers and my mood would flip. 

Now I have coping mechanisms and perspectives I didn’t previously carry. I can identify my moods and take myself away from people when I can feel my mood turning. I have extremely healthy habits. I picked up a new sport in rowing, where I have loved every minute. I am not afraid to say rowing has saved my life. This isn’t me dramatizing, this is my firm belief. I cannot stress enough how important exercise is for your mental health. It gave me a way out and provided a distraction. I could work on my physical health which in turn heals you mentally. I have friends for life and memories I will cherish forever. I know when I need my own space but also when I need the unconscious reassurance of sitting in a room of people. 

Further, due to my experiences, I love helping other people and feel I can give very good advice and have a willingness to help anyone going through the same things as me. I hate seeing people in pain and I believe I am proof that anyone can get through it and although when suffocating in a seemingly helpless situation, you can gain perspective and come out the other side a stronger and more rounded person. 

How To Be Kinder 

Although this blog is me telling the story of my life, what I want people to take away from this blog is that: WORDS MATTER! What you say to people always carries meaning and intent. Think before you speak. I, for a long time, was affected by the smallest things people said to me. I still am. I didn’t choose to be overly sensitive, but it is a trait I have. I see sensitivity and vulnerability as a gift. This allows me to show emotion, even with the stigma surrounding men and being vulnerable. I cry, I get upset, but this is so healthy for me and should be for anyone. Therefore, think before you say things to people. You have no idea what they are going through. I have learned to be less affected by what people say, but I cannot prevent myself from feeling upset all the time. From small acts of kindness to thinking about what you are going to say before delivering it. These are just a few things people can do to show love and kindness in a pressurised, magnified, scary world.

Due to going through these events and living with an anxiety disorder, I am forever a stronger person than I was before. Yes, I have made mistakes and not looked after myself and others, but I am a much stronger person now from before. And I believe that because I can get through it, anyone can. It is about not letting your anxiety control you and knowing how you cope is okay. Your anxiety doesn’t define you; YOU DEFINE IT!

To find ways to support your mental health, see Find Support.

My name is Luke Sullivan and I live with an anxiety disorder. I further have lost my Dad to suicide. I want to share my experiences on living with an anxiety disorder and how I deal with day to day life.

It's Tough, But We Will Pull Through Together

Joe, UWS Sports President, shares his account of coronavirus lockdown and the transition to working from home with a history of mental health issues 

- Joe Gilfillan

My name is Joe and I'm the Sports President at Team UWS. I have an amazing platform with which I am able to reach out to many students, and I think it's important I use this opportunity to try and be positive, but also to be genuine. 

Two weeks ago we had our Annual Sports Ball, it was a fantastic occasion, we shared an amazing night in which we rewarded so many deserving individuals and groups within our community. It was months of hard work, stresses, doing what I love, working with our students and having a great time in the process. 

Then suddenly, everything had stopped. As of the following working day, there were no students. There was uncertainty. There was fear. There still is. Before long, I found myself working from home. My job revolves around students and sport, and I knew at the end of the year this would slowly round off and planning would begin for the next cycle. However, I wasn't prepared for this, none of us were. As someone who has experienced poor mental health in the past, it was tough to suddenly be thrown into a place similar to where I was years ago, a place of isolating, not going out, limiting social contact. I was scared that I would be set back in my journey, and that my recovery had been wasted. But it's okay to feel like this. I know there are a lot of people in similar situations, with their own issues, and many people going through these thoughts and feelings for the first time.

For all we have to isolate in person, it is now more important than ever that we band together, as friends and as humans. My mum always uses the saying "no man is an island", and at a time like this I feel that is very appropriate. Reach out to your friends and colleagues, check in with family in what may be new ways to what you are used to. And most importantly, reach out for support. If you are finding it hard, you certainly aren't the only person, and people understand now more than ever. 

I have been having regular contact with colleagues through video conferencing sites, to try and keep as much "normality" as possible. Using social media, even platforms such as snapchat, allow you to reach as many people as possible, even if it's only to make them smile for a second, or to let them know you are thinking of them- they haven't been forgotten. You don't know how much someone might need that. I have times where I have been isolated and low, having someone you can chat to, especially at the quiet times of the evening, even if it's just to talk nonsense, it briefly distracts me from the very harsh realities of the world.  

Routines have changed drastically, which is why it is vitally important to control the controllable. Take regular breaks from your work, watch some TV, get in an hour of exercise a day, drink plenty of water and try to eat as sensibly as possible. But also allow yourself some leeway. We are a generation centred around technology. We are using new ways to keep in touch. But also limit this in your free time if need be. It's so easy to focus on the negative at a time like this, so we need to take time away from it all as much as possible, for ourselves. No-one really knows how to get through this, all we can do is the best we can, and find our own rhythm. Stay safe, be kind to one another, we will get through this together.

For more information Student Space is here to make it easier for you to find the support you need during the coronavirus pandemic.

For more information on looking after your mental health during the COVID-19 outbreak, please visit the Student Minds webpage.  

My name is Joe, I'm the University of the West of Scotland's Sports President (Sports Sabbatical). I was asked to do a blog internally to highlight the transition for people. I decided to use this as a platform for discussing my own experiences with mental health, to highlight our vulnerabilities at this trying time. 

How Do Gender Norms Impact on Men's Mental Health?

For International Men's Day, Michael shares his experiences of how gender norms can impact on men's mental health help-seeking behaviours, experiences, and literacy. 

- Michael Priestley

In thinking about how gender norms impact on men's mental health, it is important to acknowledge that men, like women, are a diverse group and that multiple factors will shape this relationship- such as class, race, and sexuality. I write therefore from my own mental health experiences as a man, and cannot speak for all men.

I understand gender roles as both learned and performed; I act as a man in different ways in different contexts as shaped by the different models of masculinity that I see around me. I see one particularly dominant model of masculinity as follows. Men, as opposed to women: 1) Don't talk about or show emotions; 2) Are brave and physically strong; 3) Have sex with women and 4) Drink beer. Stick to these simple rules society tells us, and we'll all be fine. But will we? Research shows men to be at an increased risk of certain mental health difficulties and death by suicide, and are significantly less likely than women to seek help for their mental health from professionals, friends, or family. In this context, and drawing on my own experiences, I suggest that these dominant gender norms may impact on men's mental health in three main ways:

1) Gender Norms Can Impact on Men's Help-Seeking:
Clearly, if men don't talk about or show emotions and if men are brave and strong, this can make it hard as a man to openly acknowledge and admit that you are struggling with your mental health and ask for help.

2) Gender Norms Can Impact on Men's Emotional Experiences:
As a man, in trying not to show difficult emotions such as sadness, embarrassment, or fear, you can end up trying not to feel these emotions which, in turn, can change the way that you understand, articulate, and experience them. For me, instead of experiencing feelings of sadness or anxiety as something that could be related to my mental health, for which I should probably get help, at the time, I experienced these feelings only as confusion, frustration, or anger with the events or people in my life. Not only this, but by repressing and avoiding how I was actually feeling, these feelings built up to a boiling point and I ended up expressing them in ways that were destructive, both for myself and for others around me.

3) Gender Norms Impact on Men's Mental Health Literacy 
If men don't talk about or show emotions, it can become difficult for men to develop a language in which to express or understand difficult emotions. The problem then is that when men do feel them, they can feel ill-prepared and under-equipped to understand and share these with others, forcing many men into silence and isolation to deal with problems alone.

The point is that, from my experience, not only do gender norms create conditions where it is hard for men to speak up and ask for help for their mental health, they also condition men's emotional experiences and language in ways that, in the long term, can have a negative impact on mental health. In isolation, simply telling men to talk more (whilst obviously very important!), can be an oversimplification of the complex social processes that influence the way that men understand and experience emotion. As a society, we need to develop other models of masculinity, but in the meantime, we also need a new language for recognising, understanding, and responding to men's distinctive mental health experiences as situated within, and mediated by, social gender norms.

These ideas were initially shared as part of an International Men's Day panel discussion organised by Changing Relations; an arts-based education and training company that challenges thinking around gender norms, gender equality, and healthy relationships. 

To find out the work that Student Minds are doing to improve male students' mental health, please see here. 

I'm Michael and I'm the editor of the Student Minds Blog. I'm a PhD student at Durham University studying student mental health and wellbeing. I write for Student Minds to share my own experiences of mental health difficulties, and tackle the stigma around mental health. 

Migraine Associated Vertigo and Attending University

Robbie shares the experience of living with a balance disorder

- Robbie Millross

Balance isn’t something that most people consider when they wake up. It’s something we just expect our body to grant us. Moving objects and vertigo: they’re symptoms of hangovers or flu…aren’t they? Certainly not signs of long-term illness! At 18, I felt pretty untouchable. I enjoyed football, socialising, girlfriends: the usual experiences of someone my age. 

One day I went for lunch at work when I suddenly felt unwell. A weakness, dizziness and spaced-out feeling. Walking down the street, I felt like I had leaned too far back on a chair and was about to fall. I put my hands out and grabbed the nearest thing – a bus stop. I sat down and composed myself. Adrenaline was pumping through my veins as I sat there wondering what had just happened. After calming down, I returned to work and thought no more of it. But, as the months went on, I gradually found it difficult to stand for long periods. I wasn’t feeling well. Everyday felt like I was hungover. I was avoiding people and situations. Even my friends. I went to the GP several times and kept being misdiagnosed: I wasn’t getting better, I was feeling worse. Customers, colleagues, family and friends now commented on my declining personal appearance. I started to fear that something was seriously wrong, and I started experiencing panic and anxiety attacks for the first time. It became impossible to work my shifts…eventually, I lost my job.

Around 15 months after this first episode, I discovered a specialist while watching Embarrassing Bodies. I went to see him in London. He diagnosed me with Migraine Associated Vertigo: a vestibular disorder affecting the brain. He prescribed medication, therapy and head exercises, and I was signed off work. At last I had a diagnosis. I was nearly 20, unable to function and isolated from who I used to be. When I was 21, 3 years after my first vertigo attack, I returned to work. I felt healthier than I had for a long time. Not symptom free, but functioning. Still doing head exercises, and on medication, but rebuilding my life. I also knew I wanted to be a paramedic.

I decided to move to Newcastle alone and do a Higher Education Pathway at college so I could study paramedic science. It was a huge step. I was healthy enough to move across the country. Support myself through work. Educate myself. By now, my mental health had also improved. I completed 18 months in Newcastle, I even travelled to America with my family. I was also offered a place on Bristol’s paramedic course. Now, at 25, I had nearly stopped my medication as per my specialist’s instructions. My recovery, after 7 years, was nearly completed. 

Before moving to Bristol for university, I noticed I was feeling dizzy again. A few experiences here and there. I ignored them. I felt anxious, but I considered it normal given my current situation. I moved to Bristol and couldn’t focus. I had anxiety worse than ever. My balance issues were back. In truth, they  returned slowly in the months leading up to Bristol, but I didn’t want to miss this opportunity. I  phoned friends and family numerous times in the 2 days I had been in Bristol, seeking reassurance. After hours in my room planning how I would cope going out with my housemates, I finally managed. I drunk a fair amount and the next day I could hardly stand. I was scared. I knew what it meant. I returned to London that evening and withdrew from my course the next day. My dream of being a paramedic lasted 3 dizzy days. 

Back in London, I saw my specialist. I was put back on medication and head exercises and advised that doing a course as ‘strenuous’ as paramedic science wasn’t realistic for someone with my condition. I moved back home with my family, worked a quiet night job and restarted recovery. I soon decided that I still wanted to pursue higher education, this time in politics. In 2019, now 27, I received and accepted an offer at the University of Hull to study PPE. I still take medication, do head exercises and experience anxiety which is too regular for me to be comfortable or happy. My specialist and I are still aiming to reduce symptoms again and hopefully my full recovery will eventually happen.

I started my course in September and have lasted more than 3 days. University is a great environment for many reasons, but it’s also a pressured environment: pressure to be social, pressure to be healthy enough to attend lectures and achieve your potential, etc.  Being ill throughout most your 20s is extremely challenging and disheartening. Everyday there’s a barrier of some sort. When mental health difficulties are also involved, the challenge becomes even greater. Often, we look at the person next to us and think: 'Why aren’t I like them?' 

Men definitely don’t talk about mental health enough. Men don’t talk about health enough. Actually people in general don’t talk about their health enough. If you've had similar experiences or are feeling isolated and alone at university , there are ways to seek help. Either through the variety of university support, or through your local GP or Helplines. Things can always be improved. One thing I’ve learned: Never assume you know what people are going through in their lives.

Find out more about support for your mental health on the Student Minds website. 

I'm a 27-year-old student at the University of Hull. I have been diagnosed with MAV (Migraine Associated Vertigo) since my late teens and want to share my experiences of attending university with this diagnosis. This diagnosis has also led to experiences of panic attacks and anxiety. Here is a link to my Twitter.

My Experience of University Counselling

This blog entry discusses the issue of the university counselling system from one PhD student’s perspective.

- Nathan Ritchie 

I have a brother who suffers from mental illness, so opening up about my own mental health has been a relatively comfortable experience. I know this is not the case for many others. It was important for me when I started showing signs of depression and anxiety, that I was entirely open with those around me. I wrote about my feelings to a wider audience so that others who are suffering silently can read and perhaps relate to my experience. Of course, once you start writing about mental health problems, you open yourself up to people speaking behind your back and this owes to a lack of understanding and a general stigma attached to mental illness. 

Today, I wish to discuss the university counselling system. I am a PhD student at Loughborough University, so I can only speak about the experiences I have had whilst here and I recognise that this is not representative of all universities across the country. Although I feel I have exhibited signs of volatile mental health from a much younger age, I started to recognise symptoms of depression during my first year as a PhD student. I started taking to bed a lot and having unrefreshing naps, which may not seem like much, but it can really debilitate. I felt a constant sense of fatigue and dullness which was uncharacteristic as I have a lively personality. It took a while for me to accept that I would need some help to get through this period but eventually I reached out to the university counselling team and asked for some assistance.

Initially, I spoke with the in-department mental health support. When I applied for support, I was asked to fill out a form asking me to describe the mental health difficulties I was facing. At that stage, I found it a bit intimidating that I was being asked to define how I was feeling when I had no idea myself, so I asked whether I could skip this process and I was allowed to which was very helpful. I met with a nice lady from mental health support and it was a relief to express some of the fears I had about my mental health. It was freeing to openly discuss the situation without having to worry about judgement or worrying about what my admissions might mean for the future of that relationship. The advice given was at times simplistic, i.e. meditation app, structure - these are things I had been working on for years, but it was still overall a helpful experience.

To have mental health support in the department is brilliant, but there are limits. I was advised to seek counselling help at the university, and this proved a slow process. I had to wait up to a month to see someone, by then my mental health had deteriorated, and I was desperate for some guidance. I went to one meeting with the counsellor and whilst it was a perfectly pleasant experience, I did not think it helped to improve my mental health, because I actually felt that the negative thoughts were more intense once I had left. I was worried it might make me worse. Eventually, I began to recuperate and was back to my best not long after. I learnt from the experience to champion mental health support at universities, but I now understand the limits to the support the university can offer. Seeking support if you are experiencing difficulties is very important, however, I would advise others not to rely solely on university support services and instead use them to complement other things you are doing to recover your mental health, such as therapy or seeing your GP. 

Click here to find out more about mental health support at university.

Hi there, I’m Nathan. I am a PhD student at Loughborough University researching media history. I chose to write for Student Minds because I wanted open up about my own mental health issues in the hope that others may be able to relate and thus find comfort and reassurance in what I post. I have periodically suffered with bouts of depression and anxiety and I also have family members who have been diagnosed with severe mental health issues.

How Radio Came to my Rescue

Ben Dolbear tells the story of how listening to the radio helped to save his sleeping pattern and improved his mental health.

- Ben Dolbear

Night-time is the hardest time for many people living with depression. In the dark, there is no background noise to blend out thoughts that  just don't want to disappear, no visual parade of ever-changing events that entertain your thoughts and no company, to distract you from your depression’s trickery. To make things worse, much of our days are spent wading through the depths of social media, flicking our focus between posts about a friend’s wedding, a natural disaster in Asia, a new-born kitten, a family member’s holiday snaps. Sometimes modernity makes me wish that we could set the clock back fifty years and live in a time where the news was less brutally in-yer-face, where summer afternoons were spent outside, and where there was no such thing as blue light-induced insomnia Our brains are being eternally trained to cope with a constant influx of wide-ranging information that induce wide-ranging emotions. When eventually we stop, our  mind continues to be a rally track, a whirlwind race between memories and feelings competing for our minds’ attention. In the moment, it feels impossible to just stop – 

and breathe. 

For so long, the night-time was something I dreaded. Getting off to sleep was even harder than getting out of bed in the morning (a mighty task that often leads to a slumb back into the pillow and missing yet another lecture). Waking up in the night ushered in palpable feelings of dread and upset. Not being able to sleep properly during the night, set the next day up to be filled with anxiety and stress.  Shame, regret, disappointment, self-loathing, all forced their way in to steal my calm. Sleeplessness was only exasperated by university pressure which complimentary only worsened my sleeplessness.

I tried listening to instrumental music as I drifted off to sleep, and whilst I know it is effective for many people, my bullish depression could not be held off. I tried meditation to no avail. Apps promising that these 5 minutes will bring you a goods night rest, all failed to bring rest to my mind. 

In a last ditch attempt to expel this unhealthy sleeping pattern which was having a detrimental effect on my daily activities and relationships, my thoughts returned to the time we are living in, and realised how wrong I was wanting to return to the old days where mobile phones and social media didn’t dominate lives. I admit, the 21st century has isolated many of us from our friends, but it has also brought the world so much closer together. How would we call our parents, listen to podcasts, stay updated on what is happening in the world, or even read this blog post if it were not for the world evolving, so instead of fighting this change I tried to embrace the beauty of it. 

As the old saying goes, if you can’t beat them, join them, so I decided to welcome my old foe the mobile phone into my bedtime routine. I downloaded a talk radio app and began to listen in bed. The fast pace of modern living and social media has taken away our human tendency to listen to others, as our days are instead defined by fleeting encounters with strangers,  often ones behind a screen. But listening to the radio as I go to sleep is the most rewarding practice, I have ever engaged myself in. Instead of searching for silence I adopted societies fast pace. 

Escaping the addictive authority of low-mood inducing social media platforms, radio offers the perfect natural remedy for insomniacs – my radio station of choice, LBC, which hosts Steve Allen, with his hilarious analysis of the tabloids and belly-achingly funny stories about his hometown of Twickenham, entertaining early risers between 4-7AM, seven days a week, pulling in the highest overnight ratings in London.

My mental health has been aided immensely by my listening to radio call-ins at bedtime. In my darkest times, when my ability to communicate with the people I love fractured, and I shut myself away, talk radio meant that I was never alone. I could surround myself with voices who didn’t demand a response, who didn’t question me or my intentions, and welcomed me calmly to the conversation without judgement.

Now, I sleep in peace. My thoughts and emotions are guided by the radio as I drift off, and I am happier for it.

Hi, I'm Ben. I'm an English Literature student in Southampton writing for Student Minds to help other people living with depression who are on the same road to recovery that I am on.