What people don’t see: my experience with loneliness at university

Emily shares her experience of loneliness whilst at university and her tips for how to make changes to help with feelings of isolation.

- Emily

Until March of this year, my university experience had been a fairly positive one. There were ups and downs, but I always felt I had a good group of friends and a great boyfriend to support me through difficult times. 

However, much of this changed at the end of my second term at university. After a tough breakup, I felt incredibly lonely and very lost. I found it so difficult to move from having someone to chat with daily to nothing. To make matters worse, it was approaching exam season: mounting academic pressure on myself and my friends meant that I was spending days and days alone. I had tried to reach out to some of my friends, but the busyness and general chaos of exam season meant that replies were infrequent. I feared that my support network was disappearing. Ultimately, my anxiety worsened, and frequent panic attacks returned after almost a year of not experiencing them. Hiding these feelings of loneliness from friends and family only made things worse.   

To begin with, I didn’t really know how to solve the loneliness I was experiencing. It wasn’t until a family member reached out that I felt able to talk about what I was feeling and what I could do to tackle my loneliness at university.   

Here are some things that have helped me to feel less lonely: 

• I spoke to members of my support network about how I was feeling. I even found that some of my friends were also feeling lonely during exam season and were glad I had contacted them.
• I attempted to attend as many society events as possible when the term began again. Joining new societies is also a great way to combat loneliness, as finding people with common interests is an excellent way to build new support networks.  
• I tried to spend less time on social media. Watching other people’s seemingly “perfect” lives often exacerbated feelings of loneliness. I try to leave the house at least once a day. During exam season, I usually visited my local coffee shop to see familiar faces and chat with those who worked there. It made me feel somewhat less isolated.   

I wouldn’t say that I have found a perfect resolution for loneliness. I still experience periods where I feel out of touch with friends and family. However, I now feel more confident to ask for support when needed. Reaching out to members of a support network is so important in tackling feelings of loneliness.    

Loneliness is a truly awful experience. After my recent experiences, I see tremendous value in frequently contacting friends and family. Anyone could be experiencing loneliness at any moment. You don’t always see what people are going through, and a single message could completely change someone’s day. 

We know that experiencing mental health difficulties at university can feel overwhelming. Explore the support that is available at your university and further.

I'm Emily, a second-year History and Spanish undergraduate at Durham University. After struggling with various aspects of my mental health whilst in my first and second year at university and watching close friends struggle too, I've become particularly aware of the stigma surrounding student mental health. I am sharing my story to demonstrate that loneliness is a more common experience at university than people may think. 

Top of Mind: putting yourself first, or learning how…

In this reflective blog, Emily explores how putting yourself first is essential to your wider well-being and how it impacts others too. 

- Emily Askew

Throughout my entire life - education, relationships, work - I’ve always given everything my all, throwing myself into situations feet-first, and often blind to how deep the hole truly is. Yes, it’s instinctive and it is intrinsic to my nature to help those who need it without a second glance in the mirror to ask how it really makes me feel. 

Trawling back through memories the other day, I found an old report card from my first year in formal education. 

Aged 5: “is always keen to help others”. Cute, right? 

Aged 11: parents’ evenings would be full of glowing praise and I’d come out in a shower of golden applause for my enthusiasm, responsibility, and “support for others”. That’s just how polite girls are at school, though…

Aged 17: I won the Headteacher’s Award for astounding commitment against adversity and dedication to others. It was a huge honour (truly, I mean that) and it had my mum ready to spontaneously combust with pride. It spurred my efforts to make others proud, to make them smile, and to do what I could. 

But, that little girl, from those days on the carpet learning my first phonics, and all the way through, was sowing the seeds to some pretty stubborn roots that her much older self would spend years trying to loosen up. 

Helping others is fantastic for society, refreshing to her elders, commendable, even - in some cases. So how do we draw the line between helping others and hurting ourselves? It can be difficult to acknowledge that your great intentions aren’t so great at all. I began to notice that my helpfulness was becoming a personal rut when I constantly found myself catching up with essentials that only impacted me. Things like reading fictional books I would have once devoured without a second thought, or spending time in the bath without my phone ‘on call’ just in case that email came through whilst I was all soaped up. 

But here’s the thing: allowing time for ourselves isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity of our wider well-being, and overall sustainability to carry on being healthy enough to continue helping others too. 

Here are some top tips and constructive questions I’ve found to be valuable when reflecting on my own capacity and when it’s okay to say “no”. 

1. If I’ve been asked to help someone with something, is there someone else I could ask to support with this too/instead? Sometimes people will come to you for favours as a ‘first port of call’ but this doesn’t mean you should always be the one to take it on. Is there anyone else that could support? 
2. It’s okay to give yourself time. There’s no need to reply to a request or offer your services immediately. Take time to weigh up the options and consider thoughtfully whether it’s something you can truly take on and want to be involved with. 
3. Equally, it’s okay to say no! Your reply does not have to be a straightforward and total rejection of a situation but can be worded in a way that offers support at a time/place that is more convenient and supportive of you. This might look something like “I’m sorry, I’ve got a lot on at the moment but would be happy to help you next time” or “I can’t do this right now but I can help to find someone who might be able to support you, instead”. The yes/no binary doesn’t have to be as blunt and harsh as you might fear it to be. I used to think no meant I was always being mean or unfriendly so I would steer entirely away from it. But, actually, sometimes saying no means finding someone more qualified for a job or someone who is able to put in more time and energy for something than you currently have - which is better for everyone!
4. The guilt gets easier. When you first start making these decisions against the usual tide of agreeing to everything in an instant, it can feel like you’ve really let someone down. The guilt can be quite uncomfortable to navigate at the start but keep reminding yourself that it’s perfectly okay - healthy and safe, even - to put these boundaries in place and raise realistic expectations in your relationships. It’s okay to prioritise you! 

It’s important to stay positive. For someone who has constantly said yes, the first few times saying no can conjure a warmth of guilt that feels like carrying around a rugged, heavy, wet dog. It feels clunky and awkward. It’s a grim, gross, lukewarm sensation and really difficult to keep a grip on sometimes too. It does get easier as those boundaries become more familiar to you, and those around you. Respect is key, for you of others, from them of you, and - most importantly - you of yourself. 

You are so very worth it. 

Whether you are looking for support for your own mental health at university or supporting a friend, help is available.

Hi! I'm Emily and I've just graduated from my MA Early Years Education after an English degree at the University of Sussex. I'm an Early Years Teacher and specialise in baby education. But, for now, I'm working with my University's Widening Participation Department to help students from underrepresented groups to overcome challenges, including mental health difficulties, in accessing Higher Education.

Mental Health & Friends

Saturday 30th July marks the International Day of Friendship. The Editorial Team have taken the opportunity to share their thoughts on what friendship means to them and how their friends have supported their mental health.

- Student Minds Blog Editorial Team

With everything that's happening in the world, the International Day of Friendship is a celebration of all the goodness and solidarity in friendships.

Thoughts on friendship from the Editorial Team:

✨ Natalie (Student) ✨

• Friendship is very important to me and my friends have shown me lots of support with my mental health struggles. They have helped to find the best options of support for me and always listen to what I have to say. I always hope to show this same support when my friends turn to me for help with their mental health.

✨ Luke (Student) ✨

• Friendship and friends have a massive impact on your life. My friends were amazing to me during my experiences of grief and mental health struggles. Friendship isn’t always about having someone to always talk to about your feelings but someone who will take you out and distract and sense your mood.
• It is important when identifying good friendships that the feelings and effort being put in are reciprocated otherwise this leads to toxic friendships. Your true friends will show themselves in times of adversity and will support you through hardships. So maintain consistent respect and communication and trust your gut.

✨ Martina (Graduate) ✨

• Friends have helped me through my lowest times, supported my decisions, and always celebrated my achievements. My closest friend, I have known since secondary school and she has become the family I got to choose.
• I believe it is important to be respectful of each other's space, which is why we don't need to be in touch constantly. We know we will be there for each other and can reach out for good and bad news. I value friendships where we can tell each other the truth, and not simply what we want to hear. She has been open to listening when my mental health was at its lowest, sharing her points of view and advice which helped me gain perspective and feel less isolated.

✨ Caoimhe (Graduate) ✨

• I believe any friendship you have should be good for your mental health. I am so grateful that if I need to speak about anything I can come to my friends with no fear of judgement, and I feel so safe being vulnerable with them. Trust is the core of friendship and this is how you can be vulnerable with your friends because you trust them. 
• A friendship is something which is built through consistent effort, love and respect. You always choose to be a better friend and always support these people.

✨ Sarah (Student) ✨

• My best friend has been wonderful for my mental health. We confide in and listen to each other, and encourage each other to see the positives in life.
• That being said, I haven't always been lucky enough to have a friend like this. I've had friends who made me feel drained after talking to them, and who left me feeling worse about myself rather than better.
• In times like these, I tried to treat myself as my own best friend, reminding myself that if I wouldn't say things to a friend, I shouldn't say them to myself. Be as kind to yourself as you are to others - you deserve it.

✨ Preksha (Student) ✨

• From a very young age, I have strongly believed in the saying “a friend in need is a friend indeed”. I feel incredibly blessed to have friends who have stuck by me through rainbows and storms. They have given me the best advice, always with my best interest in mind… and on other days, they are just great listeners! When I talk myself down, they are the first to stop and remind me of the positivity around me. 
• When I went to University, I struggled a lot with my mental health in the first term. I had barely met some people for a week when they decided to walk alongside me on my journey to recovery. This is when our friendship flourished the most because they had no ‘reason’ to support a stranger - they were there for me only because of their own goodwill. That is when I realised that friendships don’t have a ‘reason’ or underlying motifs. 
• I aspire and try my best to be as supportive and understanding a friend as I have been blessed with. 

✨ Shamira (Graduate) ✨

• My friendships were a great help to my mental health, especially when we couldn’t meet in person. This made me appreciate them more but also appreciate that we’re all going through our own personal issues and life stories, so when you naturally drift away from someone it’s not a slight against you but just the consequence of people growing up. 

✨ Rosanna (Graduate) ✨

• We sometimes underestimate how important friendships are as we enter into adulthood, especially as romantic relationships and other commitments demand a lot of our attention. It can also be tricky to make new friends and maintain them. Friendships go through cycles; we support our friends and they are there for us at different times. It's also okay when we outgrow friendships or need to remove ourselves when they become toxic. But each friendship is unique and worth celebrating, no matter how new or old it is.

✨ Taylor (Student) ✨

• University meant outgrowing a lot of friendships which seems scary at first but along the way you meet some many more incredible people. Through the good and the bad times, friends that make you laugh and be grateful for what you have are the ones that you need to keep close.

Share how you're getting involved with the International Day of Friendship on our Facebook group.

Find out more ways to get involved with Student Minds and volunteer today.

Written by the Student Minds Editorial Team. Find out more about them here.

ADHD & Me

Sophie shares her personal experience of ADHD diagnosis in her twenties, mixed in with a discussion about ADHD and TikTok.

- Sophie Head

ADHD stands for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. ADHD goes undiagnosed, unspotted and unrecognised in so many women with a quite detrimental impact. This can be traumatic because women often get diagnosed with other mental health disorders where treatment may alleviate some symptoms but worsen others. The textbook patient with ADHD is an 8-year-old boy, who is incredibly distractable, rowdy and rambunctious. This behaviour becomes inconvenient for mainstream schools to deal with and so diagnosis and subsequent treatment is offered very swiftly. My experience, however, couldn’t have been more opposite. Like many neurodivergent women, my symptoms were more internalised and gendered expectations in society taught me to mask my behaviour. My symptoms have been much more on the attention deficit side of the disorder. I turn twenty-one later this year and I was only recently diagnosed with such and am still awaiting treatment. I went through high school believing that everyone’s mind was in constant chaos like mine and focus was impossible. I was convinced I was lazy and had formed bad habits. What I now know as a dopamine deficiency, I blamed my own personality and decision making on. In my teenage years, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression - I took medicine, had therapy etc.  The treatment somewhat helped, but at the end of the day, I found it impossible to focus for the amount of time needed for my degree, I felt exhausted after minor tasks, and I was struggling socially too. Something was not right.

Coming to university was a big wakeup call for me. On the one hand, I had been at school which was a structured 8-hour day with all my learning essentially being spoon-fed and printed off in nice booklets. School was much easier for me to focus on, and attendance was legally required. Whilst school was challenging, and focusing on homework was difficult, the nature of school minimised my symptoms.  On the other hand, at university I am now an independent learner needing to make my own schedule. Even worse, I started in 2020 and so libraries, cafes and in-person teaching were closed. The pandemic robbed me of routine, but highlighted core issues that needed to be addressed deep within my brain and myself as a person. I was surrounded by other Cambridge students smashing 12-hour workdays when I could barely bring myself to do 2 hours of work. And dare anyone suggest it was a lack of passion for my topic area – because when I do work, I enjoy it, but the mental barrier is so intense, it doesn’t matter how much I love my degree, I still have ADHD.

The ADHD diagnosis instilled an identity crisis in me because everything I used to think was just me being quirky was actually just undiagnosed ADHD. I couldn't tell what was me and what was the ADHD. I couldn't tell if the hobbies I'd had all the way from childhood to now were all just remnants of getting invested quickly with the dopamine and then very quickly getting bored again. Yet, even with a diagnosis, I questioned my own journey with ADHD. This was due to recent work on the legitimacy of content around ADHD on social media which investigated the quality of content on TikTok. Researchers wanted to check the accuracy and the type of content about ADHD. Researchers classified videos into three categories: misleading, useful or personal experience. Fifty-two percent of the videos were classified as misleading and twenty-one percent as useful. Researchers concluded that clinicians should be heavily aware of widespread misinformation on social media and its potential impact on healthcare. Harm can be done by posting incorrect information on social media and can even perpetuate common misconceptions and stigma of ADHD and mental health. 

Consuming content around mental health on social media may provide someone with the ability to recognise their own symptoms and seek help. Furthermore, TikTok is an app that is a quick click dopamine hit. It is so easy to swipe and watch countless videos. This app doesn’t require a huge attention span or a lot of focus and so it makes sense that it has opened conversation about ADHD. Now, the move is to encourage people to seek professional help and avoid self-diagnosis. ADHD is often forgotten about in mental health, and yet with many behavioural symptoms, it is heavily stigmatised. I did not choose to be born with a brain with a dopamine deficiency. We can work together to give airtime and destigmatise mental health. Please seek professional help if anything you read impacts you. And do not take TikToks as mental health gospel.   

We know that supporting a friend with their mental health isn’t always easy. Student Minds is here to help - read our Look After Your Mate guidance. 

Hi, I am Sophie Head a second-year Psychology (PBS) student at Uni of Cambridge. I recently saw a Cambridge Tab article about your blog and wanted to get involved. Since my diagnosis with ADHD, having previously had anxiety and depression, I felt that ADHD was excluded from the mental health conversation, even though lots of symptoms are very similar or even co-morbid. I wanted to add my angle and experience as a woman diagnosed in university but also recent ADHD controversy on TikTok.

A Year of Uncertainty

Tayyibah shares how difficult last year has been.

- Tayyibah Hussain

It has been a tough time for us all since 2020. We have all lost friends, family, colleagues, teachers and others. Last year had been tough on so many people’s mental health, too. We all had to stay safe ourselves and keep our loved ones safe. It had been a rollercoaster of a year; but through all of this, we reached so far. Of course, it has been difficult for us all; we have experienced many ups and downs. However, what matters the most is that we are all in this together.

Everyone should feel proud of themselves. After all, each person has been helpful and supportive to one another, which was especially difficult considering that many were struggling with their mental health. Being able to call or message someone to chat, or check up on them meant a lot to many people. I know that I am grateful for those who have stuck with me throughout all this. For me, personally, the jump from college to university was very daunting. I know that I probably was not the only one, but since I was not feeling confident and lacked social skills, I thought it would not go well.

However, during the first year of University, I became a student representative: something I had never even imagined. I have been supporting and helping others on the Early Childhood Studies degree whenever possible. I have been doing well so far with assignments despite the lack of self-belief, and it is particularly helpful when staff and others saw the potential in me, which I really appreciated. Moving onto the second year, I am very grateful to the Early Childhood Studies staff at Derby for supporting and helping not just myself but many other students. They gave them the belief and courage to push themselves, and the hope that they can achieve whatever they desire, with just that little support.

I, myself, have managed to achieve a lot, from being able to speak in small groups, to giving feedback and presenting just this semester. Despite the difficulties that I have faced, I managed to achieve a lot in a small period of time. However, the reason I brought this up is to remind everyone to be proud of their small achievements every day. Remember that there is always something positive in each day no matter how dull it may seem.

As they say, ‘there is always light at the end of the tunnel’. I agree that it is not easy, but it will get better. You just have to keep going on and remember we are in this together and we are all here to support one another. Remember you are loved and cared for. Nobody is alone!

Whether you are looking for support for your own mental health or supporting a friend, help is available.

       

Tayyibah Hussain is currently a student at the University of Derby studying Early Childhood Studies. Interested in Mental Health, Adverse Childhood Experiences and supporting others and hoping to inspire others to have self-belief and faith in themselves.

What is friendship therapy and how could it help my friendships?

Taylor walks us through friendship therapy and gives some advice on how to deal with issues within a friendship.

- Taylor Machuca-Koniw 

Friends enhance the quality of our lives. Yet when these friendships break down, it can really start to impact our mental and physical health.   You might have had a falling out with a childhood friend, or your bestie might be going through a hard time and consequently built up a wall between you.  Friendships, just like any relationship, come and go throughout our lives. Sometimes it’s only natural to go your separate ways - especially if you’re dealing with a toxic friendship. But if your friendship is worth salvaging, perhaps consider giving friendship therapy a try.  

What is friendship therapy?  

Traditionally, couples therapy has focused on romantic couples, married couples, or family members.  Nowadays, couples therapy has extended to include our friendships. Since our friends are - more often than not - a longstanding and integral relationship in our lives, it makes sense that if for whatever reason there’s a breakdown in that relationship, therapy may be a positive way of intervening and repairing it. 

Friendship therapy is essentially couples therapy for friends. Those in platonic relationships can seek counselling to address common relationship issues such as lack of communication, conflict resolution, and feelings of betrayal or neglect.  

Why friendship therapy?  

Strong relationships enhance the quality of our lives. Having the social support of our friends can quickly turn a bad day into a good one, help us to feel a sense of purpose, and make us feel less alone in the world. Since the pandemic, many of us have faced a whole new host of friendship challenges, making it even harder to stay connected and maintain healthy relationships.  

For friends who are finding it hard to communicate or have difficulty supporting each other through difficult times, friendship therapy may help. It offers a safe space for friends to air out their dirty laundry and let more meaningful conversations happen.   Like all relationships, friendships require work to maintain them.  A trained counsellor can help friends restore their bond and build a better understanding of each other’s needs.   

When should you seek friendship therapy? 

 If your friendship has been suffering during the pandemic or you’re finding it hard to stay connected with friends, you might want to consider friendship therapy.  

You might also seek friendship therapy if you or your friend are struggling with the following issues in your friendship:  

• One-sided communication 
• Extreme jealousy or competitive behaviours 
• Lack of support or compassion 
• Constant blaming or shaming 
• Controlling behaviours  
• Drama or attention-seeking behaviours 
• Disrespecting each other’s boundaries 
• Mental health or substance abuse issues 

If you are finding your friendship is causing you undue stress in your life, then it’s a good idea to seek professional help. If you are concerned for your friend’s wellbeing and it’s affecting your relationship, then suggest friendship therapy as a way to help solve these issues, together,  with a trusted professional.  

Tips on helping a friend through a hard time  

If you’re interested in broaching the subject of friendship therapy with your friend, make sure to do so in an empathetic manner. Show your friend some sympathy, and give them space to listen to them without judgment. 

You can try a statement such as, “I’m sad that you’re in a tough situation right now. I want to be able to help”, or, “I recognise we’re both hurting and I want us to be closer again. What do you think about trying out friendship therapy as a way to get our friendship back to a healthy place?”.  

Ask them if there’s anything you can do to help support them. You may find honest, non-judgmental discussions like this will be what it takes to fix any issue within your friendship. If, however, things aren’t going the way you hoped or if you both struggle with expressing your concerns, a friendship therapist can be exactly what you need to steer your friendship out of the tough place it’s currently in. 

Rebuilding your friendship  

Finding the right therapist can be all it takes to mend your friendship. When it comes to finding a friendship therapist, look for someone who is trained in couples counselling since relationship-building will be their expertise. Cost concerns should also be brought up so you both know exactly how much you’ll be investing in counselling. When you bring up the idea of friendship therapy with your friend, be careful to do so in a compassionate way. Make it clear to your friend that your intention is to rebuild your relationship and give it the attention it deserves.

If you or your friends are currently struggling within your relationship, help can always be found here. 

Taylor Machuca-Koniw is a freelance writer with a passion for yoga, bubble baths, and baking. She and her American husband have been in a long-distance relationship for 7 years, and are pros at how to make long-distance work. Taylor is a language enthusiast - she speaks Russian and Ukrainian and is currently learning Spanish.

These times shall pass too

Juhi shares their experiences and tips about overcoming struggles and loss during the pandemic.

- Juhi Aishwary

Happy and colourful days. Bright summers; going out with friends and family; having fun in our schools and colleges. Some of you will have planned your vacations and others would have wanted to spend time with their families but maybe could not because of work. The pandemic has been a learning experience for many – for instance, showing us that we need to look after ourselves and try to make the best out of our situation.

I certainly have learned a lot during the pandemic! I started to feel depressed and tensed due to the pandemic a month before my exams. I was already feeling rubbish as the pandemic – like exams – has a knack for making people feel anxious and panicked.

One Sunday morning, I was watching the news, and there was a report about how people were struggling due to coronavirus, followed a report about the rising number of cases. Additionally, I heard from my parents that most of my relatives had been infected with the virus, with some being in a critical condition. I later learned that unfortunately two of them had passed away. Hearing all of this made me feel so scared. I just did not want to do anything. I lost focus on my studies and constantly thought about all the people in my city who were struggling.

Soon, I realized that I went into depression also that I could not go out. I felt trapped and like I would soon stop breathing. My parents saw my condition and tried to help me to get out of it. They spent more time with me, shared inspirational stories and helped me to navigate my studies. After a while, I started feeling normal again and eventually that phase went teaching me something.

This period of depression and struggle taught me how to cope up with difficulties. I realized that many people were struggling and experience loss too and they can stay strong and fight their situation however much it hurts. Afterwards, I focused on my studies and spend some time with my family.

There were some things that I have integrated into my daily routine which have helped me to come out of my depression and to make my mind stronger.

I believe these are things which may help others as well. Exercising daily – for example jogging; yoga can help in calming the mind and body as well. I also tried to keep studying and focused my mind on the future after the pandemic is over. I found spending time with family to be one of the most important things that helped me. In these unfortunate times no one knows what might happen so we should treasure the times spend with our loved ones. They can support us when times are tough times and help us in staying strong. All these things might not help you to completely deal with the current situation, but it will surely help in passing the time.

Currently, the pandemic is not over, but I am still standing strong and looking forward for good days to come, and I hope that you are able to as well.

You can visit Student Space to explore online resources, access direct support via text, phone, web chat or email and find the support available at your place of study. 

My name is Juhi Aishwary I am an MBA student at Coventry University. I am also a London Activities Officer. I am sharing my story as other students would have had similar experiences and I want to help people to realise that they are not alone in their struggles.

I wish you could see what I see

Matthew shares a poem about hope for a brighter future. 

- Matthew Bucktrout

This poem is inspired by the memories of people uncertain of where they are going or how they are going to make it. For everyone who is struggling now and who will struggle in the future, let these words guide you for these words are a sign of hope that we are not alone, and brighter times are on the horizon. To you I say, I wish you could see what I see...

 

For more support with your mental health, please visit Student Space. For more information on creative writing for the Student Minds Blog, see sub-editor Hannah's blog. 

Hi I’m Matt, a third year undergraduate studying physics at Durham. Like many other students, I've experienced the difficult mental side effects of the pandemic taking normal life away. I wanted to put some words on a page to show that we're not alone, however hard it may seem, and that there is a brighter, new world coming. For those who know me and those who don't, I will always be around to talk about anything or just to listen. Please don't hesitate to ask because a conversation really can save a life. When those dark thoughts take hold all we really want is someone to take our hand and show us the light and I hope with my words I can achieve this.

Dealing with grief and being overwhelmed during University

Candice shares her experience about coping with challenges such as being overwhelmed and grieving during her university experience.

- Candice Williams

Navigating university is an, at times, overwhelming experience. But attending university virtually, as a result of a pandemic, is an altogether different affair. For my undergraduate program, I completed my degree face-to-face. But my master’s degree, begun in September 2019, was accomplished mainly from the comfort of my own home. Starting a University course, whether it be an undergraduate or masters programme, is hard enough but was made even harder when I received some bad news. Two days before the course began, my grandmother passed away. I was heartbroken. Her passing was sudden, and my family and I were in a state of shock. Although it wasn’t the best start to my master’s degree, I only missed a couple of lectures and managed to stay on top of my assignments and workload.

Besides being a full-time student, I was also working two jobs, completing a placement (as part of my university course) and volunteering. I had a lot on my plate, and at times, I felt very overwhelmed. Just when I thought I had everything balanced, the pandemic hit. I lost both of my jobs, my placement and volunteering work was stopped, and university moved online. It was an adjustment period, but it made me realise that I was using being busy to distract myself and sweep things under the rug. In hindsight, I needed that downtime. I needed that time at home to work on me, to focus on the things I needed to work on and get the help necessary to improve my quality of life. And I did just that. I plucked up the courage and asked for help. I received several cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) sessions, and am grateful for what I learned along the way. In the future, I aim to provide advice to students to enhance their university experience and protect their overall wellbeing. I find the following ways essential for coping with grief and workload during university:

1)    Talk to your tutor

Your tutor is a person you can confide in, someone who may have been in the same position as you. My tutor was a past student, so he understood how I felt about assignments and university pressure. As I was grieving, I thought that I needed to take a break and was able to talk to my tutor about extending my deadlines and possibly deferring for a year if I needed to.

2)    Talk to your friends

Having a support group is so important. Talking to your friends is a great way to relieve stress and get things off your chest.

3)    Having a self-care routine

Self-care is doing things that make you feel good! That could be having a bath, eating some great food, or even watching a movie in bed! Catering to our wellbeing is necessary. It boosts our mood and makes us feel better, especially if we have been feeling low.

4)    Write a schedule

Having time to complete your assignments and attending your lectures/seminar groups is essential. Having a plan will help you see when your deadlines are and identify when you have free time to practice self-care.

5)    Have a study group

If you need extra support with your assignments, or would like to get a different perspective, you can form a study group. Remember, your classmates are in a similar position to you! You could even create a WhatsApp group to discuss assignments and lecture notes.

6)    Revise as if you have a face-to-face exam

Regarding online exams, I found that it helps to revise a bit to understand the concepts that may be mentioned in the exam. When my face-to-face exams were transferred online, I had already started revising, so felt less stressed about this new form of examination. I would recommend organising both your ‘lecture’ and ‘further reading’ notes. Having notes helped me tremendously, as I knew where to find the answers to the questions!

7)    Have something to look forward to

Being bogged down with work can be stressful. It is crucial to complete your assignments, but it is also vital to have something to look forward to. For example, if you have completed a project, you should congratulate yourself and do something to celebrate. Of course, we need to abide by government restrictions, but we can still celebrate at home! When I finished my dissertation, I binge-watched my favourite shows! I had worked hard, so I felt it necessary to take a few days of downtime to chill and relax.

All in all, I enjoyed my university experience. Reaching out for help during my grief showed me that I don’t have to suffer in silence and gave me the tools to cope with my assignments. Now I know the importance of self-care, I have incorporated it into my daily routine - I hope you do the same too!

Learn more about loss, and how you can support yourself through it on Student Space.

 

Hello, my name is Candice and I recently completed my Masters in mental health: Psychological Therapies. I am sharing my story in order to give students advice on hope to navigate university, manage their wellbeing as well as being the best student they can be.