Monday, 22 March 2021

Binge Eat, Sleep For The Entire Day & Repeat

Nadia shares her story of how her depression has worsened due to university stress and wants to share her story to show anyone suffering that they are not the only one.


- Nadia
 
*Trigger Warning: Discussions of suicide, binge-eating and self-blame.*
 
Facing the day

I wake up, once again, with a horrible headache, despite having slept for an entire day. This feels odd, as I have been battling insomnia for the past two months. Starting the day is often difficult for me as I struggle with negative thoughts about my body and with feeling ugly and worthless. This can cause me to avoid completing University work, and can lead me into a downward spiral of binge-eating. It is difficult to get out of this routine, but I have been to my doctor and have started taking medication, which takes a while to kick in. I am hoping this will prevent the suicidal tendencies I experience in my lowest moments. I’m also hoping it will improve my overall mood; I sometimes feel like I am wasting my life not doing anything – failing University, jobless, and feeling like a constant disappointment. Although I have great friends, I don’t want to burden them with how I’m feeling, but I am so bored and tired of being like this all the time. Writing this blog piece has been a turning point, a reminder that however I’m feeling now, things can get better.

You have gotten through bad times before

I know that I have felt like this before, but have been able to improve and get well. So, I want this blog piece to be a reminder to myself, and to all of you readers, that even when things seem terrible there is always a way forward. For some reason, writing this blog piece makes me feel that I can breathe a bit better. I’d forgotten how much I loved writing, how natural and right it feels for me to express myself in words. Having not felt ‘good’ at anything in a long time, I am really enjoying creating this piece – I’m not sure how I found my way here, but I’m glad I did.

What I’m trying to say is this: writing this blog has enabled me to show how I feel, how I really feel. It’s odd seeing these thoughts on screen, rather than scrambled up in my head, but I hope that whoever reads this knows that they are not the only one going through a difficult time. The fact that writing this has made me feel so much better, shows that just the simple act of writing down your thoughts and emotions can feel liberating. It may also help you to remember the things that made you happy once. For me, this is writing in general, but for you it may be different. Try to engage in those activities you love again, without any pressure on yourself, and see how it goes. You might just surprise yourself. 
 
Find out more about eating disorders and how to support someone. You can also find lots of helpful support and advice on the Student Space website.


My name is Nadia and I am a second-year law student. I am sharing my story because I want to help others, and because I want this to be a safe space for students to share how they feel, without judgement. 
I believe that if we support one another, we can become the best version of ourselves. Remember, you matter.

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