Fresh Starts

Ali shares their experience of being accepted at university and having a fresh start.

- Ali

I will never forget seeing the word 'Accepted' appear on my phone. I had been cautiously checking my phone that night with the knowledge that university responses to my various applications were due yet tried to remain nonchalant in my eagerness. Until that point, I’d had a lifetime of experiences away from higher education, having 'missed my chance' at the traditional age, and had resolved that I would never have the opportunity. 

At the traditional age of seventeen, I didn’t have the necessary grades or attitude to go to university and instead was thrust into the customer service sector where I predominantly spent 13 years dwelling. While there were happy times during this period, I felt a pervasive sense of longing and sadness at a missed and life-changing opportunity, resigned to being on the treadmill of unsatisfying jobs, patchwork courses, and unfulfilled dreams.  

Nothing could have prepared me when my phone notified me I had an email via UCAS.  "You have been accepted ...". The shock washed over me, and I felt it saturate every inch of me. My partner was all cheers and celebrations at this first step and yet all I could do was sit there frozen. I then burst into tears, much to their surprise. After thirty or so minutes of crying, I was finally able to share with my partner what that word meant to me. My tears were of course happy ones but were also tears of relief that the fight was over and I’d won. This was my chance. My chance to change the direction of my life, a chance to get off the treadmill. In short, my chance for a fresh start.  

Of course, my subsequent fresh start at university has had various unhappy times, lest I give the impression of a romantic or unrealistic view of higher education. Financial worries, COVID-19 restrictions, and family emergencies plus the anticipated yet ever-underappreciated 'usual' university experiences and stress.  And yet, every time I walk on campus I get a familiar sense of belonging, of embracing a new chapter in my life. It's massive. It's scary. It's exciting. Its mine. My fresh start.

Whether you are looking for support for your own mental health at university or supporting a friend, help is available. 

Hi, I'm Ali. I'm sharing my uni stories and experiences in the hope they may help someone.

Beginning a degree at twenty-seven

Elle shares her experience as a mature student at university and returning to university to study a new subject.

- Elle Renee Morgan

When I began my PGCE aged twenty-six, I thought I would be the oldest in my cohort. I was pleasantly surprised to live with other trainee teachers of varying ages, from the person who had seamlessly transitioned from their undergrad to teaching, to those who had taken years out of education. I realised that teaching wasn't for me soon enough, but I was faced with the dilemma of not knowing where to go next. I loved helping people and was passionate about the subject of English which I had initially studied for my undergraduate degree, but I was passionate about a lot of things. I didn't have a job in a bakery, but I was very transfixed by croissants. Sometimes, the little moments enjoyed in life are just those: reading can be a pastime for relaxation and pleasure, or it can be a source of academic study.

The truth was that I didn't want to teach teenagers about books that they weren't really interested in. I wasn't sure I wanted children at all (even though that shocked people, in general conversation. Not wanting kids? At my age?) Writing, however, is something I do almost as often as I breathe, and I knew that I hadn't got my career completely wrong. It just didn't coincide with my ideal like, of sitting somewhere continental with a pain au chocolate. I realised that almost all of the books I had recently read for pleasure were on France, art, history, or all three. I often daydreamed of being able to speak fluent French. So, why wouldn't I do a second undergraduate degree? People my age purchased mortgages or paid for babies and weddings; why couldn't I decide to go down the route less travelled? I knew that I would appreciate the hours that went into the lecture slides more, as I had taught in classrooms myself, and I was wise enough to understand that there was so much of the world I didn't know about.

Aged eighteen, when I had first left for university studies, my mind was totally unaware of the expansion that would soon happen, and all of the amazing people I would meet from all over the world. I began to realise that I wanted to be a lifelong learner, a student for life, and that it was totally fine to save my wages for further education. In fact, there was nothing else I'd rather do.

So I began to look for evening classes that could fit around my job, not because a French and Italian degree would particularly boost my job prospects (in fact, employers would be likely to ask why I'd taken such a risk), but for the pure love of Dante's Divine Comedy and Proust's In Search of Lost Time. I knew that I could lose myself in cultures and places I had only visited on holidays, and make the most of the year abroad by living in these ideal destinations.

What was it that led me to believe it was acceptable to start another degree? Well, it is my belief that you're never too old to change your mind. And I don't regret the subjects I picked at eighteen in the slightest, because I was self-aware enough to choose the Humanities (creative writing will always be my first love). The subject of English had simply given way to the subject of French, and for that I was very grateful.

Explore tips and resources to help you navigate university life in Student Minds’ Transitions guide.

I'm Elle Renée, a twenty-something who enjoys education, travel, literature and art. I am currently a content writer and is hoping to do a doctorate one day.

Coping with university

Charlotte shares her experience attending university as a mature student despite mental health struggles

-Charlotte Juggins

I didn't think I would ever go to university. At the age of eighteen, I was struggling with my mental health and began seeking help. I had the pressure of my college, asking what I was going to do when I left and I had applied for university in case I had a change of heart over the summer, despite not really knowing what exactly I wanted to do. I still felt like I was too young to know what was next. I had been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder when I was in my last year of college. This really clouded my thought process when thinking about my life post-college.

What I came to realise in the years after this is that I had to take time in finding where my passions were. I was twenty-one when I worked in a management position which exposed me to Human Resources. After a few months, I realised it was the direction I wanted my career to go in. That is what led me to go to university last year, at the age of twenty-three. I felt proud of myself for pushing forward and finally taking this step to study a subject that really interests me. However, I was also nervous about my age. I had thought of it as a good thing as I had the prior experience to give myself that confidence within my work. The only thing was that I was concerned I'd be seen as 'too old' to be there. I had heard this from a lot of people, including friends of mine, who were mature students.

The way I started to see it, as first semester began, was an opportunity for me to get back into an academic environment where I could learn new skills. Although I think about this in a positive way, I do have moments where I feel a sense of shame. Other people my age have full-time jobs, or an actual career that they are progressing in or they have their own flat or have bought a house. They seem many steps ahead of me, despite being the same age. I have spent a lot of time second guessing my decision in going to university as an older student and wonder if it is too late. Despite these feelings, I have realised that it is never too late. If you are chasing your passion and are driven towards a career goal, then you should do it. It is true when they say 'life is too short' and that we should be doing things that make us happy. I never want to be stuck in a job that makes me unhappy and I want to make real changes with my degree and knowledge once I graduate. University will come with some low points where my mental health will suffer and I will feel stressed. But I need to push through it. 

Visit Student Space for further support. Explore online resources, access direct support via text, phone, web chat or email and find the support available at your place of study. 

 

My name is Charlotte, I study BA Business and Human Resource Management and I am a mature student.

Mature Mental Health: My Journey to Realisation

Lisa shares her life-long struggle with mental health and how improving herself through education finally helped her to recognise and break the cycle.

- Lisa Knight

I was extremely slow to realise my poor mental health. Although it was right there for many, many years, I and every service I was ever referred to failed to diagnose the overarching damage that my brain had sustained in childhood.

After losing most of my twenties to depression, drugs and anxiety, my father died suddenly and in horrible circumstances. A year later I was engaged to my long-term boyfriend. I wanted something stable for myself finally: I yearned for a family.

Two years later I was married. A year after that I gave birth to my first daughter. Fourteen months later, my second daughter arrived. Nine months after that, my husband left us for another woman.

Looking back, my journey had always been rocky. I had been made homeless when I was seventeen years old, and wasn't emotionally mature enough to deal with it. I failed most of my A-level exams and lost my place at University. I'd bounced around in various jobs, finding nothing that really suited me. I always felt stifled creatively and my mental health dogged me constantly. I became a target for bullying at work, just like I had at school.

Years later, when my eldest child was three years old, I decided to do an access course. I got a distinction in every subject, received offers from all my university applications, including the same university place I had missed out on fifteen years previously. Of course, that was the university I wanted.

It was tough going with two young children. And I almost lost it all in my second year, but in the end I managed to graduate with a 2.1 in English. The following term, I started a part-time MA in English studies. However, my struggle with depression and anxiety made this an utter slog. I requested therapy with my local GP and was referred to Mind. It was in these sessions where everything finally started to make sense.

Up until this point, I had believed I was suffering with depression. However, sessions with my therapist made me aware of the pervasive anxiety of which I suffered, accompanied by flashbacks and symptoms of complex PTSD.

I was 37 years old by the time I realised the true nature of my poor mental health. I had always questioned: 'what's the matter with me?' and 'why am I like this?' Now I know that the violence and bullying behaviour I witnessed and was on the receiving end of as a child completely changed the structure of my brain. I understand that the debilitating and pervasive fear that has been a constant part of my life is due in part to an anxiety that became the norm for me in my infancy.

I handed in my MA dissertation recently, and I should graduate in January 2020. My medication has been adjusted to help with the anxiety, and for the first time in my life, my mood has stabilised. I'm on the waiting list for psychodynamic psychotherapy and I'm hoping to leave my cloudy past behind for a sweeter and sunnier future.

If you've been affected by any parts of my story, had similar experiences, or are feeling isolated and alone on your uni course, take the step and reach out for help. You've nothing to be ashamed of, and support networks like your personal tutor or the 'Help' page on Blackboard can put you in touch with the right people to get the support you need.

If you are looking for mental health support for yourself, a friend or a loved one, you can find more information and resources at Student Minds and Mind Helplines.

I'm Lisa, a post-graduate English student who started out at Uni in my early thirties. I work as a copywriter and freelance writer and hope to inspire other mature students with my experiences with mental health. It's important to know that you're not alone and that you can succeed despite everything.