What I want to say

A poem detailing a young person's silent battle with depression.

- Muskaan Admani

When someone asks how I am

I want to say

I really do feel

     Unloved

And

     Worthless

And like

     A burden

This d e p r e s s i o n

Is a ravenous parasite

Sucking out all the light

I have left

I have lost my sight.

I want to say

That my thoughts

Are incessantly pushing weight against my shoulders

And that is why I shake sometimes

I am relentlessly fighting a boxing match

That you cannot see

But my energy

Is now fleeting.

I want to say

That

     S m i l i n g

Has become a

Magic trick

But I'm probably the worst

     Magician

You know

Yet

I am a master at

     Pretending

All is fine.

I want to say

That I am

     D r o w n i n g

These walls are caving in

And I no longer know how to survive

It's like I'm trying to swim

But my hands and feet are tied.

I want to say

That this sadness

Has infected my lungs

So breathing has become an

     A b o m i n a t i o n.

I want to say

That life has torn

At the verge of my strength

I am  n u m b 

I am  e m p t y.

My grave

Is this body.

But I'd rather not ravage

Someone's mood

With my  t r a g i c  h o n e s t y

So I goof away

Like everything is a laughing matter

And I say something acceptable, like:

"I'm alright. How are you?"

Whether you are looking for support for your own mental health at university or supporting a friend, help is available. 

Hello! I am Muskaan, a Psychology Undergraduate from Queen Mary University of London. I am currently on my placement year working in a school. I am sharing my experiences through poetry - a medium that has helped me throughout my struggles of mental health, with the hope to help and inspire others.