Thursday 26 January 2023

What I want to say

A poem detailing a young person's silent battle with depression.

- Muskaan Admani

When someone asks how I am
I want to say
I really do feel
And like
     A burden
This d e p r e s s i o n
Is a ravenous parasite
Sucking out all the light
I have left
I have lost my sight.

I want to say
That my thoughts
Are incessantly pushing weight against my shoulders
And that is why I shake sometimes
I am relentlessly fighting a boxing match
That you cannot see
But my energy
Is now fleeting.

I want to say
     S m i l i n g
Has become a
Magic trick
But I'm probably the worst
You know
I am a master at
All is fine.

I want to say
That I am
     D r o w n i n g
These walls are caving in
And I no longer know how to survive
It's like I'm trying to swim
But my hands and feet are tied.

I want to say
That this sadness
Has infected my lungs
So breathing has become an
     A b o m i n a t i o n.

I want to say
That life has torn
At the verge of my strength
I am  n u m b 
I am  e m p t y.
My grave
Is this body.

But I'd rather not ravage
Someone's mood
With my  t r a g i c  h o n e s t y
So I goof away
Like everything is a laughing matter
And I say something acceptable, like:

"I'm alright. How are you?"

Whether you are looking for support for your own mental health at university or supporting a friend, help is available

Hello! I am Muskaan, a Psychology Undergraduate from Queen Mary University of London. I am currently on my placement year working in a school. I am sharing my experiences through poetry - a medium that has helped me throughout my struggles of mental health, with the hope to help and inspire others.

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