Coming up for Air

India, having suffered from depression and anxiety, uses a letter to explain how it helped her in overcoming her mental health issues. 

- India Croot

Dear Mother,

I have woken this morning with the courage to write to you. I feel like your mind must be troubled and confused by questions. There are two I hear you cry more than any others: ‘where have you gone?’ and ‘how do I get you back?’. It often feels like you ask me these as you stare into my eyes. It is hard to physically speak, to give you the answers to your questions, when I have no idea myself. So today, I will walk with you through how it feels each morning. Hopefully one day soon I will speak these words that I write, but for now, this is all I can do, and I do this because I want to ease your pain and help you understand the isolating and overwhelming feeling of struggling with my mental health difficulties. I feel scared that my feelings will start to creep over you and be a burden to you; this alone gives me the strength to fight.

Mornings feel hardest for me. It gets a little easier from there; I rub my eyes, propping my eyelids up as I do. Now I calculate, how many hours I will have to spend away from my bed today. It is not my bed I have an attachment to. It’s the hours in between that are exhausting; performing a 10-hour show each day is draining. It makes studying and socialising at university so hard. I feel emotionless. Every smile or laugh I present to my classmates today, has been rehearsed, ready for the live show. I begin to examine my room, my usual routine. Setting my mind on a task ensures I have no time to reminisce the past and become consumed by my difficult feelings. I scan the walls, ceiling and floor; searching for a minor detail I may have missed the previous morning.

Today a newly structured cobweb that hangs proudly has caught my eye. Such a simplistic task can provide me with such excitement. I wish I could focus and get excited like this on my studies. My eyes are transfixed, gazing into the air, focusing on nothing; it feels as if I’ve created a defence mechanism to shield myself against any thoughts or sounds that could trigger a landslide of feelings.

I haul myself from my bed; I have to get ready for uni. Thinking about every move I make; I lug my feet towards the shower. I’m unaware of how many precious moments I spend in here. I clock into autopilot and wash my hair and face, without fully acknowledging what I’m doing; it’s part of my routine. It’s only when the water runs cold that my body awakens, jolting forward to escape the shock. My day has begun. Whereas ‘getting ready’ to go to class used to feel simple, fluent, completed within half an hour, now an hour passes and it feels as if I’ve been frozen in time. I’m late for uni again. I reach for the pale-colored bag that sits on my dressing table blending into the cream wood. Inside is my identity, well the identity I wear most days for my peers. The Rimmel London foundation is my mask that hides the dark circles that lay beneath my eyes.

But even as I write this letter to you, it helps me to feel less hopeless and alone. By sharing how I feel and helping others to understand just how overwhelming every day can be when struggling with mental health issues, I feel better and more hopeful for my recovery. Opening up about my experiences through writing can be the first brave step for me to open up and reflect on these difficult feelings, help others to understand how much I am struggling, and get the support that I need for my recovery.

If you're feeling a similar way or want to find out more about depression or anxiety, you can find support here.

I'm India, a third-year journalism student at Falmouth University. I started battling with mental health at the age of 15 after a family trauma. I found coping mechanisms through writing and traveling and I no longer suffer at the hands of depression. We are all subjected to 'bad days' but I now know how to control them. I hope sharing my experience helps those still in a dark place.

5 Reasons Why You Should Write for the Student Minds Blog

In this blog, Carys, one of our sub-editors, shares the reasons why she writes for this blog and reassures those considering blogging for us…

1. Blogging is powerful:

A lot of people who are struggling with their mental health find comfort on the internet, where they can research symptoms and read stories of personal experiences without anyone knowing. The Student Minds blog is an enormous hub of information about pretty much everything to do with student well-being (if there’s something you feel is missing… write about it for us!). We know a lot of students and recent graduates find comfort and reassurance in the work we publish, in addition to the relevant signposting to other charities or services that they might find beneficial. 

2. Blogging is rewarding:

Furthermore, blogging for us is so rewarding. By sharing your personal story and experience on the “biggest blog dedicated to student mental health and well-being”, you are certainly helping at least one other person to get the help they need or to manage challenging situations. We all know how it feels when university isn’t really the time of our lives like everyone said it would be. The Student Minds blog gives us a platform to help someone else in their recovery. It is so fulfilling. 

3. Blogging does not require you to have a diagnosed mental illness:

Mental health and mental illness are two separate things: everyone has a mental health but only some people have a mental illness. Here at Student Minds we talk about mental health as a continuum, which means we recognise our mental health as fluctuating constantly and as incredibly personal to an individual. Needing to have a mental illness to write for us is a complete myth! Student mental well-being is such a broad subject area that affects all students and we welcome posts from all perspectives. Check out the blog for ideas and examples of titles. 

4. Blogging is for everyone:

Honestly, if you’re interested in contributing to our blog, we want to hear from you! Even if you’ve never blogged before or are not sure about your topic being relevant – I bet if past-you would have found it useful, it will be for someone else too! 

In addition to our blogging guidelines which contain loads of blogging tips and rules, there is the blog editorial team. There are 9 of us in total and we are just ordinary student volunteers from across the UK - not professional writers or famous bloggers – so the pressure’s off! After you’ve sent us your draft blog via the Write for the Blog web-page, one of us will be assigned to work with you to make sure that it is trigger-free and typo-free before uploading it. We will always make sure you’re happy with the edited version before we publish. Lots of you may be worried about “writing the wrong thing” – a concern we hear a lot. The role of the editorial team is to make sure things are appropriate to publish and we are trained to spot these “wrong things” and change them. 

Finally, an average blog post is 600-800 words – not a lot at all! It’s not as time consuming or difficult as you might think. We also are not just all about blogging: this year we are wanting to expand the blog to include vlogs! If writing isn’t your thing but the camera is, why not give it a go? 

5. Blogging is awesome:

The blogging community (you guys) is really the heart of the blog. So many contributors from many different walks of life all come together to make this blog a reality – it could be you too! I personally love the mini biography and photo at the end of each post, as it really helps give some personality to the blog and show that we are all just students helping other students. In this section we are more than happy to link your personal blog or website too if you’d like! 

However, we understand writing about mental health can be a sensitive area and sometimes you’re not quite fully ready to share. Of course, you can publish your blog anonymously – we just won’t put this part at the end, nor your name in the blurb – either giving you a pseudonym of your choice or simply being called anon.

Behind this blog are 9 amazing volunteers who give up our time to make this a reality and be a huge source of information for students and recent graduates across the UK. We all really hope to see your work in our inbox and online very soon! If you have any questions you can tweet or DM us @StudentMindsOrg and we’ll get back to you! 

I'm Carys, a 4th year Modern Languages student at Durham University. As well as my passion for languages and travel, I love talking about mental health and I am one of the Student Minds editors this year. Please get in touch if you have any questions or comments about my work - I love hearing from you!

Students are sharing stories at Story Sessions

This year Student Minds are helping students share their mental health stories. Story Sessions is an event in January which will teach students how to shape the narrative of student mental health with their stories. We asked attendees what they are looking forward to about Story Sessions...

"I’m so excited and humbled to be attending Story Sessions! After being diagnosed with mixed anxiety and depressive disorder in November 2015, I have been open about my struggles and actively campaigning against stigma. I’m looking forward to sharing this amazing opportunity with other students like me, and help one another to positively and safely share our stories. From different views of mental health that I’ve seen as a campaigner, it is so important for everyone to talk about mental health. Some students are scared to seek help, and this needs to change. I hope to gain a new way of reaching a wider audience so judgements can eventually cease. No one should be afraid to talk about mental health."

Katie Ellen Sinfield - University of Leicester, 2nd Year Geology

“As I already write a personal mental health blog, I knew that attending Story Sessions would be an excellent opportunity to develop my skills in talking about mental health. I am particularly looking forward to meeting other students with similar experiences to me and getting to know a bit more about their own story. Talking openly about student mental health is one way to encourage others to seek help when they are struggling, something which not everybody finds easy to do. Yet, mental health problems amongst students are much more common than many people realise and often there is not enough support available. Hopefully by sharing our stories, we can help to change that.”

Lisa Woodley - York St John University, 1st Year Psychology

“I’m coming to Story Sessions so I can learn more about talking about my experiences with depression. Nobody deserves to suffer with mental illness, so if I can use my experiences to help even one person get through it then I’m going to seize that opportunity with both hands! I’m looking forward to meeting everybody and learning as much as I can! Mental Health is a huge factor influencing the university experience of a vast number of students through their own difficulties or those of friends, but it’s rarely acknowledged as such. The more we discuss it openly, the more people will have access to the help and support they need!”

Gareth Raynes - Aberystwyth University, PhD in Biological Sciences

“Hi, I’m Holly! I am coming to Story Sessions because I want to challenge myself by sharing my own personal experience of having a mental illness, so I can encourage my peers to do the same. I am looking forward to meeting new people from the session and having the opportunity to be around people who share the same passion as I do, which is to get students to talk openly about mental health. It is so important to get students to talk about their mental health for it will increase the awareness of mental health within universities and promote positive mental health in order to reduce stigma.”

Holly Moyse - University of Derby, 2nd Year Creative Expressive Therapies

For more information about Student Minds' work in the press, head to our Press Hub.

The Power of Storytelling: Naomi's Experience

As part of Student Minds' Power of Storytelling Campaign, Naomi writes about her experiences in coping with bereavement 

-Naomi Barrow 

Hi, I'm Naomi. I grew up in Leeds with my parents and two brothers and now frequently go back to visit my Dad and brothers and bake enough to feed a small army for a week! I live in York and am passionate about volunteering and getting young people involved in their communities. My mum had terminal cancer and died in October 2015. I feel that as a society, we don't talk enough about the effects of cancer on others in the family, or what cancer is really like, particularly for young people. This is why I have decided to blog about it on my personal blog adaughtersdiary.co.uk. I also write for the Huffington Post, you can see my profile and the work I do here.  

What inspired you to share your story?

I first started writing about Mum’s illness (and then her death) because it was cathartic for me. It helped me to get everything in my head out onto a piece of paper (or a screen). I posted them because it felt easier to update my friends that way then by telling them all individually. Soon after I started writing, though, other people began to show interest in my posts, and I realised that my blog was encouraging conversations, real conversations, about terminal illness and death. I began to realise how important it was to keep writing, keep sharing, and keep encouraging others to do the same.

Has telling your story helped you?

Yes it has! I’ve found great comfort in the response I’ve received – others responding to my posts and sharing bits of their stories with me has helped me to feel less alone and less ‘abnormal’. It’s also been helpful when my brain has felt like a foggy fuzz – writing can help me to tease things out and make sense of it all.

Has telling your story helped anyone else?

I hope so. I really hope that others in a similar situation read it and feel less alone. I hope it helps them to find the words to speak to their family and friends. But I also hope it helps those with no experience of death or terminal illness to try and understand what it might be like to be in that situation. I hope it helps them to then help others they know who might be experiencing a terminal illness or death in the family.

What did you find hardest about sharing your story?

It can be really hard to find the words sometimes. There are times when my head feels so foggy and full and I can struggle to find any words. Even if I can find some words, sometimes no words seem to match my feelings and that can be incredibly frustrating! There are occasions when I fear being judged, sometimes I want to slightly sugar-coat the reality and not share the ‘bad’ bits, but life isn’t like that and I think it’s important to share the good and the bad, there is no point in sharing a highly-edited, rose-tinted reality, because that’s not real.

  

Do you have any advice for anyone coping with bereavement?

I’m not sure I have any great advice other than remembering that everyone copes differently! For me, it was really helpful to have people around me to talk things through and to do fun things with. But my brothers and Dad coped in different ways. I think it’s just important to be kind to yourself and cut yourself some slack!

Are you interested in getting involved in the Power of Storytelling Blog series? Please don't hesitate to get in touch at blog@studentminds.org

The Power of Storytelling: Kelly's Story

My name is Kelly Bishop, I’m 23 years old, and I live in New York. I currently write for 6 different online publications and am continuing to grow my online writing profile. In this specific blog, everything I write about is autobiographical, from my struggle with depression to funny experiences in my life. I turn to this blog in hope to both entertain people and help them recognize and cope with their own problems.   

Blog: http://thoughtcatalog.com/kelly-bishop/

What inspired you to share your story?

Writing is the vehicle I have always used to express myself. I can struggle opening up to people and being vulnerable, but I find it much easier to be when I can make sense of my thoughts and feelings and put it into words on paper. I already journaled regularly about how I felt and what I was going through, so it finally made sense to turn those struggles into relatable articles online. 

Has telling your story helped you?

Telling my story definitely helped me because it was such a satisfying release; I finally was putting down all of these feelings that I’ve been pushing to the back of my mind. It was a cathartic experience to write focusing solely on myself. It gave me the confidence to continue writing and addressing the topic of mental health in general. And by doing so, I got to understand myself more and was able to actually make sense of how I felt. 

Has telling your story helped anyone else?

Since starting to write about my own personal issues and mental health issues, I have received so much positive feedback. I get so many comments and emails from readers who thank me because they feel like they finally have someone to relate to. They discover that they aren’t actually alone with their problems, and they are happy that someone can articulate what they never could. Writing helps connect you to other people; it helps us all relate to each other and find comfort in each other’s words. 

What did you find hardest about sharing your story?

Naturally it was a bit difficult to open up and expose a sensitive side of myself, especially when people I didn’t even know would read it. I didn’t want to be judged or perceived a certain way, so it was scary in the beginning. I didn’t know if it an article discussing my own depression was worth putting online. But once I did it, it was extremely empowering to put myself out there for all to see. Once I began to receive feedback about how grateful people were that I shared, it got easier and easier. I wasn’t only instilling confidence in myself, but I was helping other readers as well. 

Do you have any advice for someone who is thinking of sharing their story?

Do it!! People don’t realize how effective writing can be for your peace of mind. Even if you journal about something and don’t show anyone, it still is important to get out how you feel, what you’re thinking. Through writing, you can work through your problems, express yourself in a non-intimidating way, and the best part is that people might relate and feel that much better about their own problems. 
Your confidence will escalate once you realize other people are on the exact same page as you, and you’ll see how important it is for you to share your story with yourself and others.

The Power of Storytelling: Amy's story

Amy writes about her experience of Dermatillomania for the Student Minds "Power of Storytelling" Campaign

-Amy Walker

 Hello, I’m Amy Walker from Under the Surface. I am an 18 year old blogger in Scotland that currently blogs in her spare time. My blog posts are based on things I am passionate about such as my personal experiences and opinions. I also blog regularly about mental health.

What has inspired you to share your story?

When I discovered that my mental health problem had a name and diagnosis rather than it being a bad habit, I took great comfort in reading about others who have Dermatillomania. I would search it on twitter and read blog posts about it. I started blogging shortly after and was asked to write a piece for Stigma Fighters Teen. Writing for them made me realise that not only were there other people who suffered from mental health issues, but they were also incredibly passionate about helping to reduce the stigma surrounding mental health. The sense that there was a real community of people on the Internet and on social media, who were collectively working together to reduce the stigma around mental health, was something that I really wanted to be involved in.

Has telling your story helped you?

Each time I tell my story through blog posts on various sites, I feel refreshed. It is a little reminder that, again, it is not a bad habit but something much stronger that I am trying to fight. These little reminders are important, especially in situations where I tend to question myself and ask myself why I do certain things. Writing about mental health issues has allowed me to combine my passion for writing and my avid interest in mental health. This has not only helped me, but also has allowed me to do something that I enjoy and makes me happy.

Has telling your story helped anyone else?

I really hope so! I can’t say for sure because Dermatillomania is not well known about and a lot of people suffer without knowing they have it. However, I feel that I am achieving my main aim, which is to raise awareness about many different mental health conditions.

What did you find hardest about sharing your story?

It is the hurdle I have still not jumped which is sharing it with people I know. I am only close to a few people in my personal life who are aware I have Dermatillomania. However, they don’t know that I write about it. Those that are not close to me have no idea about either. I have planned to share my blog soon, but I want to get into a routine and build more of a community first.

Do you have advice for someone who is thinking of sharing their story?

If you are nervous then you can test the waters by Guest Posting on other sites, which gives you the opportunity to distance your story from your personal social media/site. You can also remain anonymous until you have received some feedback and are more confident with your decision to share your story.

Do you have any useful information on your mental health condition?

Dermatillomania is one of many body focused repetitive behaviour conditions. The condition involves repeatedly picking at areas of the body. Personally, I pick at skin on my scalp on a daily basis. I also occasionally pick at my face and lips. Although the condition is something that I do to myself physically, it is to do with what is going on in my mind. Dermatillomania is often linked to other mental health conditions such as OCD and anxiety.

For those who suffer with conditions such as Dermatillomania, information and helpful advice can be found on the following websites:

http://www.skinpick.com/dermatillomania

http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/dermatillomania/Pages/Introduction.aspx

http://www.bandbacktogether.com/dermatillomania-resources/

Booking an appointment with your GP can also provide support in terms of diagnosis and treatment. 

Are you interested in getting involved in The Power of Story Telling Blog series? Please don’t hesitate to get in touch blog@studentminds.org

The Power of Storytelling: Seb's Experience

Seb writes about his experiences with depression and anxiety for our Power of Storytelling campaign.

My name is Seb Baird, and I am a mental health campaigner and digital comms professional. I currently work for the national mental health campaign Time to Change; while I was a student at Oxford I founded the University’s Mind Your Head campaign. I am also a trustee and volunteer for Student Minds. My story was first published published here. 

What inspired you to tell your story?

I experienced depression and anxiety periodically during my degree. I was afraid for most of my first year that I was going to fail my course, and the anxiety around my studies dominated my life, making it hard to sleep, relax or have a real social life. During my second year I experienced a depressive episode, which again made it difficult to function: everything slowed down, I found it hard to work, and isolated myself away from my friends. 

As I started to tell my close friends about what I had gone through, it became clear that many of them had experienced similar things. It was obvious that being a young adult in a high-pressure environment like Oxford made us all vulnerable to mental health problems, but there was still an enormous taboo around it: none of us felt comfortable having the label of ‘depression’ or ‘anxiety’ attached to our public identities. I told my story to try and change that, and set up Mind Your Head to help other people to tell their stories too - to show that experiencing mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of. 

Has telling your story helped you?

Yes, in a couple of ways. Firstly, I think speaking out about your own mental health has allowed me to put it in better perspective; the more I talk about it - whether publicly or privately - the better I understand my mind and the better I get at managing my mental health. Secondly, being honest about my mental health has helped me to develop stronger relationships with the people around me. Having been honest with them about what I’m going through, I think I’m able to connect with my friends in a more genuine way.

Has telling your story helped others?

I don’t want to be presumptuous, but I think it has. I remember, the day my story was first published online, an overwhelming number of people messaged me to tell me about their similar experiences. And just recently, five years after it was first published, another friend wrote to say she identified with a lot of what I went through, and was glad to hear that it wasn’t just her. In my experience, sharing my story has helped people in a similar situation to know that they are not alone, and it has helped give them permission to talk about what they’ve gone through, even if they don’t do it publicly. 

What did you find hardest about telling your story?

I don’t love the spotlight, so it was difficult at first to come to terms with the self-promotion involved in telling my story. I was worried that people might think I was attention-seeking, or bragging, for being public about my mental health problems. And maybe some people do think that! But I probably don’t want to be friends with those people, and I realised quite quickly that the positives of telling my story - giving people hope, a sense of community, and permission to talk - were more than worth any risks. 

Do you have any advice for anyone who’s thinking of sharing their story?

There are a couple of things to think about:

• Are you ready for a lot of feedback? In my case, almost all of the responses I got were positive, or empathetic, but even those can be hard to deal with if you’re not used to being the centre of attention! 
• Are you ready to listen to others? Speaking out about your experience will probably mean that some of your friends/network who are currently experiencing mental health problems will reach out to you for support. You should be prepared for that to happen. 
• Are you prepared for the long-term? I shared my story online, so when you search my name the first things that come up are all about my mental health problems. I thought long and hard about that, and I’m okay with it, but you need to be aware that some of these things might never go away. 

Are you interested in getting involved in The Power of Storytelling Blog series? Please don’t hesitate to get in touch blog@studentminds.org